From Zombos' Closet

Movie Review: Fantastic Four (2015)

The Fantastic Four Face Their Greatest Foes -- The Director and Writers of
Fantastic Four 2015!

Brought to you in all its mind-blowing tragedy by Zombos and Company

Embellished by JM Cozzoli
Lettered by Typepad

"The poster is wrong. Change isn't coming for the Fantastic Four," I said to Zombos.

"You are taking this way too personally, you know," he replied. "It is only a reboot of a reboot, once more into the breach and popcorn bucket, after all. Just look at that mugshot poster. Dreadful. One expects them to break into a West Side Story song at any moment."

I started humming the theme from West Side Story. I imagined Ben Grimm  and Victor Von Doom squaring off in a choreographed dance of battle. If only this movie were that clever.

But it isn't. It's contrite. It's tedious. It's misguided. It's not the Fantastic Four, the superheroes that helped usher in the Silver Age of comic books. I was grievously disappointed with Rise of the Silver Surfer in 2007, but this is worse. This wounds my comic book fan soul deeply. 

My thoughts were racing alongside the snail-pace of this movie--

--If you dare do another origin story, I'll blow my brains out. We got it, get it, and don't need it anymore. Ditto with Spidey--

 

--Can you please crack open a goddamn Fantastic Four comic book? Just the Kirby and Lee issues will do if -- NOT the ULTIMATE series! --you're pressed for time. Note the use of COLORs and CHARACTER INTERPLAY and the ENERGY shown. I know this is hard to believe, but Batman's the gloom and doom guy. Most other superheroes live in a brighter, even chipper, albeit still troubled, world--which always seems to be going toward the apocalyptic, oddly enough--

 

--So, you want me to believe that the most important thing for Dr. Doom and Reed Richards, and just about everyone else in this movie, is finding another dimension. Sticking to this one too demanding for you? It's a hell of a stretch that Richards just happens to have the same itch for dimension hopping that everyone else has, and BAMM! he hooks up with like-minded folk to help complete the dimension hopping project. Wow. Most comic books have more of a plot line than this--

--Why, after taking us to another dimension, are we still in the same one with another gloomy story, gloomy character angst abounding, and insufferably gloomy lighting and color-muting in every freaking scene? I overheard a couple, leaving ahead of me after the early bird showing, say how awful this movie is. They thought the first movie was better. I agree, somewhat, but I'd stop short declaring this movie is awful. It's just misguided. And if you took out the Fantastic Four it would even be okay-- 

But it's a movie about the Fantastic Four and that's what's wrong here. So many issues, so many storylines, so many worlds to visit, yet, once again, we watch Victor Von Doom (Toby Kebbell)--

"You hesitated there. I bet you were tempted to write Tony Kibles and Bits, were you not?" said Zombos, standing over my shoulder like Uatu the Watcher. 

"No, I certainly was not going to be so unprofessional and take a cheap shot like...well, yeah, okay, I was tempted. But I fought it and won, okay," I said in defense.

--in the same story we've seen before, now rehashed with younger characters for the Young Adult market, with zero camera chemistry between them.  So one immediately wonders how good a team they would really be. Doom is more even more anti-social this time, but he's AGAIN imbued with cosmic powers and an alien skin that mimics his actual (and quite technologically lethal) armor in the comic books. It's amazing how Iron Man and every other superhero and villain can get away with wearing a costume or body armor, but Doom's just pegged by Hollywood to forever wear an apologetic and organic suit every time.

He's AGAIN ready to destroy, destroy, destroy. This time he's got a nifty Scanners' ability to blow up heads, which he does a lot. Great summer family movie idea there. Hey, let's give him green-glowing eyes and have him pop heads with splots of blood and gore. He just doesn't use his head-popping power on the FF because, well, then the movie would be over. But everybody else is fair game, okay?

"Yes, but the Thing's (Jamie Bell) rocky start is rather good one, do you not think so? He really looks like a thing this time," said Zombos.

"Sure, for a horror movie, if you think spending most of the movie in a rock pile is super, then I suppose so. Not much clobbering time for the Thing or anyone else for that matter, except for the studio's tacked on battle at the end with Doom in the rock and energy dimension. So Ben Grimm is very very grim all through the movie, gets his rocky start, then mopes some more while we wait for Reed Richards (Miles Teller) to come out of his forced exile and lead the future team he abandoned. Meanwhile Sue Storm (Kate Mara) and Johnny Storm (Michael B. Jordan) come to grips with their powers while the military schmoozes them for tactical engagements. More than two-thirds of the movie is spent on them finding the dimension, then finding themselves, and we don't even get the satisfaction of seeing Richards grow up and take charge. He's caught like a limp noodle. He doesn't come to his senses and return to his friends, he's forced to come back. If I were the Thing I would've bounded him to silly-putty."

"So, what is your point?" asked Zombos.

"My point is "why?" This scripted character angst works for Batman. He had to confront his demons and win. There's a stronger family dynamic going on in the Fantastic Four. This movie misses all that and focuses on Batman-esque motifs when it needed to riff on what makes the Fantastic Four fantastic. Like their powers, not Jessica Alba."

"But they have their powers in this movie," said Zombos.

"Yes, sort of. But they can't control them this time around. It's torture watching Reed Richards in this movie. It's like a scene out of the Saw series. I can imagine how many kids whose parents took them to see this movie are now checking under their beds at night. The FF's powers are a problem when they never were, so we spend lots of time watching them cope. Except for Ben Grimm, the Thing. His metamorphosis immediately makes him an outsider. He has a legitimate reason to be unhappy and angry and pissed off. Instead, he just mopes around his rock pile, the most herculean creature in Area 51, and takes orders from the military to break things. Talk about script logic."

"Well, then, let us talk about script logic," said Zombos. 

NeXT: The Battle for Script Logic! 

Movie Review: The Amazing Spiderman (2012) Good, But Very Different

Peter Parker (Andrew Garfield) is different, his alter ego Spider-Man is different, and the playbook Marc Webb's The Amazing Spider-Man movie uses--a franchise reboot that wasn't, artistically speaking, necessary--seem's more suited to the morose Batman than the spunkier red, white, and blue teenage nerd who gets bitten by a unique spider.

This time around the spider has been genetically engineered by his scientist father, who leaves young Peter with Aunt May (Sally Field) and Uncle Ben (Martin Sheen) whenOscorp Industries gets rough concerning his father's research into cross-species regeneration and decay rate algorithms.

Peter's parents die shortly after leaving him. Years later he's a bright science student but bullied at school, in love from afar with Gwen Stacy (Emma Stone), and soon to meet Dr. Connors (Rhys Ifans), his father's friend and co-researcher. Dr. Connors wants to grow his missing arm back and needs a workable decay rate algorithm. Peter supplies it after finding his father's briefcase containing the needed research information. Mayhem ensues.

The mayhem takes a while to simmer to boiling point, and it isn't Sam Raimi's mayhem, and that old Spidey Sense isn't as finely tuned yet for Peter. He gets beat up a lot and looks like it. I don't recall Tobey Maguire looking this bruised and sore after taking on Doc Ock or the Green Goblin.  Peter also needs more help in this movie, which is supplied by a brave Gwen Stacy, her father the police captain (Denis Leary) and a resourceful construction worker (C. Thomas Howell) who realizes even super heroes need our help sometimes. 

The funniest scene happens with Stan Lee and it gets my vote for the best Stan Lee cameo appearance in a Marvel film. And the best scene doesn't take place with Spider-Man battling the gigantic Lizard; it happens hanging off the traffic-jammed Williamsburgh Bridge, when Spider-Man must save a frightened kid and time's slipping away fast. These scenes sparkle inside a cleanly executed storyline that doesn't share enough of its substance with us: Aunt May and Uncle Ben are here, but they're perfunctory; Peter Parker experiences a life-changer, but he takes it in stride; Dr. Connors nearly get's his wish to send New Yorkers back to the Mesozoic Era, but he's stopped surprisingly quickly just so we can spend more minutes with Peter and Gwen, leaving me hoping Dr. Connor's would pop his lizard tail back in to shake things up one more time. Sadly, he didn't.

If you're keeping a scorecard, I rate this movie "good" and a little better--but just a little--than Raimi's Spider-Man 3. That movie also had too many scripters to tell the story. Garfield is taller and slimmer than Maguire, and he's got a fuller head of hair, but Maguire still shows more nuance even when standing still. Also in this movie, Peter Parker has finally acquired a cell phone, although he needs to use the vibrate button more. He also watches YouTube, which leads to a surprisingly relevant confrontation between him and Captain Stacy over what appears to be the truth in a video concerning Spider-Man. As for The Daily Bugle, it gets brief mention through a newspaper bundle showing a front page, but Peter's photo-taking is not uppermost here.

The 3D renders the movie quite dark for viewing while giving negligible depth to the action. I recommend seeing the 2D version instead.

LOTT-D Joins the Avengers

Move over Thor and Captain America, members of the League of Tana Tea Drinkers, those super bloggers of horror (and superhero movies!), want a seat at the table. 

From Midnight With Love takes on the mission..."Now that I have seen it, it is certain in my mind that Joss Whedon is the true hero of The Avengers.  His script, which is filled to the brim with scenes that are honestly hilarious, is also incredibly faithful to the heroes as they've appeared in the comics and films that led to this point."

Gospel of the Living Dead preaches a new gospel..."Really, to call it a great comic book movie is shortchanging it. The Punisher (2004) is a great comic book movie - over the top, two-dimensional, cartoonish violence, with dialogue that consists of grunts and wisecracks. The Avengers is a great action flick, generally. This is much more of a "Team of Bad-Asses Who Don't Get Along with One Another" film and should be compared to those (and compared quite favorably, allowing for tights and people who fly and what-not)."  

TheoFantastique invites Jess Peacock from The Crawlspace to wax on the popularity of The Avengers..."Whedon knows who the Avengers are, what they have been, and where they need to go. As such, he avoids the mistake of reinterpreting the mega-team through a postmodern, nihilistic lens, a trap too often ensnaring other contemporary superhero projects. (I’m looking at you,Man of Steel.) Neither does Whedon devolve into camp (*cough* Green Lantern). Rather, he allows the characters to play in a world and respond to a threat that Marvel has brilliantly pieced together since the release of Iron Man in 2008."

Scared Silly reminds us of the comic book fun... "Last but not least, this weekend sees the release of the live-action Avengers movie, based on the popular Marvel Comics super-team of heroes...Since we’re all about “the classics” here, I’ll leave you with a clever “pre-make” that has been making the rounds – a “trailer” for an “Avengers” film if it had been made in 1952! You’ll spot some footage from vintage serials, sci-fi flicks, TV shows and more in this fun-filled lark."

Movie Review: Captain America The First Avenger (2011)

Zombos Says: Excellent

My favorite comic book character, Captain America, is the perfect superhero because he's not so super. He doesn't fly, he's not impervious to harm, although his body can regenerate when damaged, and while he's a lot stronger than any other normal man, he's not Spidey-strong. He's just a tough scrapper, a formerly scrawny guy from the East Side of New York (or Brooklyn, as he says in the movie) who does good because it's simply the right thing to do. And when he gets his chance to serve his country after being labeled 4F five times, to fight a clearly defined and very evil foe, he takes it without batting an eye. He doesn't like anyone getting pushed around, let alone himself.

Looking a lot like the "Hey, Skinny!" weakling in the Charles Atlas comic book ads, he knows a lot about getting beat up, but he never quits, even after losing his parents, not getting the girls, and constantly being bullied because he's small. That speaks volumes to the American spirit that won World War II after getting knocked down hard in Hawaii. With all this patriotic symbolism, and the many pitfalls inherent in handling it today, it's very gratifying to see how well Joe Johnston and the writers of Captain America: The First Avenger guietly acknowledge its power by underemphasizing it, keeping their story simple, the dialog chipper and in period, and the characters determined. There's an old time serial movie mood that permeates every scene, and honey-gold tones to color it nostalgic. There are clear cut heroes and villains to root for and hiss at, and they're simple but believable within the comic book context. This movie gets the job done as well as Cap does, without inane, loud clashing robots, and pandering to the popcorn rows.

Steve Rogers (Chris Evans, the Human Torch in the Fantastic Four movies) takes it on the chin mentally every time he gets denied enlistment in the army. He's sickly, fragile, and determined to show that's only his body, not his spirit. He gets his chance when Dr. Erskine (Stanley Tucci) offers him super strength, strong stamina, and a chance to finally knock some Nazi heads together. Colonel Phillips--the surly Tommy Lee Jones and his patented army role go together like bread and butter--deadpans his disagreement with the doctor's choice for volunteer, but Rogers shows his ingenuity and bravery, making the Colonel give up by saying "he's still skinny." But not for long.

The doctor's process of chemicals and Vita-Rays transform Rogers into a brawny hunk. The transformation is startling because the CGI is seemless. Shrinking Evans' real body into the smaller Roger's one is uncanny because it's believable. The initial plan of using a smaller person with Evans' head superimposed didn't work well because the body movements  between Evan's and his stand-in didn't match up. The downsizing tweak left space in the scene that needed to be filled, so you can imagine the complexity of getting it right. A spy kills Erskine, leaving Rogers the only super-soldier the army's going to get. So they put his newly endowed powers to good use:  by selling war bonds. A clever set up for the eventual costume and the name 'Captain America' evolve naturally from his touring for the war bond effort. 

When his best friend, Bucky Barnes (Sebastian Stan) goes missing in action, Rogers breaks ranks, with the help of Howard Stark (Dominic Cooper doing a mean Howard Hughes riff) and Carter (Hayley Atwill), to go after the power-mad Red Skull (Hugo Weaving) and his HYDRA minions, whose advanced weaponry and technology stump even Stark. In possession of the Cosmic Cube, the Red Skull has unlimited power at his disposal to accomplish his plan of world conquest.

Although the movie begins in the 1940s, it ties into The Avengers movie being released next year. You can catch a glimpse of it if you wait for the credits to end. I strongly recommend every congressman watch this movie. It might help them remember what they seem to have forgotten about the American spirit and getting the job done.  

Movie Review: The Dark Knight (2008)

Zombos Says: Excellent

Nobody panics when things go according to plan, even if the plans are horrifying. If I tell the press that tomorrow a gangbanger will get shot, or a truckload of soldiers will get blown up, nobody panics. But when I say one little old mayor will die, everyone loses their minds! Introduce a little anarchy, you upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. I am an agent of chaos. And you know the thing about chaos, Harvey? It's fair. --the Joker in The Dark Knight.

 

Moral darkness permeates Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight. The Joker, Batman's antithesis, returns to his unsavory blend of homicidal insanity and nihilistic artistry, first seen in the 1940 Batman comic book, but softened in his subsequent appearances. Gone is the whimsically murderous trickster of precise origin, the clown prince of crime as portrayed in movies, the Batman television series, and many of the DC comic books. Replaced by Heath Ledger's chillingly amoral, incomprehensibly insane and powerfully corrupting scion of the Devil, no one, including us, is left laughing now.

Throughout The Dark Knight, one question propels the story with its increasing urgency for an answer: how can Batman and Gotham city combat the irreconcilable evil embodied by the Joker without resorting to evil themselves? Batman, Lt. Gordon, and District Attorney Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart), must answer it in their own way as the Joker forces them into an ever narrower space for dealing with his escalating chaos and body count. With his smeared makeup, stringy hair, cruelly scarred mouth--and ever-changing story as to how he received his permanent smile--Ledger's Joker is so evil, so anarchic, and so corrupting in his influence, there is no middle ground for goodness and morality to easily stand on. A human Thanatos unfettered by guilt, he makes Hannibal Lecter and the Jigsaw Killer look like Abbott and Costello. The only way to stop him is to murder him; at least, that's what he really wants. But will Batman put aside his moral code to do it? More importantly, do we want him to?

Movie Review: The Incredible Hulk (2008) It's Smashing Time!

Zombos Says: Very Good

By the time the Incredible Hulk bellows his signature "Hulk Smash!" in-your-face taunt to the Abomination, he's already done quite a bit of it in director Louis Leterrier's successful return to the comic book and television roots that made the rampaging, green (with purple pants), behemoth a colorfully melodramatic composition of frenzied destruction and pathos--a superhero more a reluctant monster doing good by accident rather than a skillful, caped-crusader fighting evil by design.

Writers Zak Penn and Edward Harrison (actor Edward Norton's pseudonym), reboot the Hulk's origin, distancing it from Ang Lee's failed attempt at the franchise in 2003. In the succinct opening credits montage, which uses the same gamma ray infusion device first seen in the 1970's television series, The Incredible Hulk, flashbacks show the disastrous results of the failed experiment leaving Dr. Banner (Edward Norton) prone to hissy fits on a giant scale. Lou Ferrigno, television's Hulk, puts in a cameo appearance, reinforcing the thematic connection to that series. There is also a nod to Bill Bixby, who starred as Dr. Banner, through a snippet of his The Courtship of Eddie's Father, playing on a television set.

In this second, more energetic, attempt to launch the movie franchise, Banner is on the run in Brazil, laying low from the U.S. military while searching for a cure to the raging spirit within him. This transition from Ang Lee's more introspective approach lessens the relationship-heavy storyline and heaps on the throw a tantrum, whoop-ass Hulk transformations. With smashing moments strung end to end, briefly bridged with poignant ones showing how unfortunate his condition can be--he cannot make love because too much excitement would you-know-what--this movie is less character-complex and talkative than Ang's, opening the landscape wide for plowing with carnage aplenty; exactly what the perfect, breezy summertime movie is all about: simplicity, much action, and pour on the butter.

Movie Review: Iron Man (2008) A Superhero with Heart

Zombos Says: Excellent

Robert Downey Jr. and Gwyneth Paltrow make Iron Man more than the sum of the boilerplate screenplay by Mark Fergus, and the cover-the-basics villains and action directed by Jon Favreau. As Tony Stark, playboy billionaire (and former Long Island native), and Pepper Potts, his personal assistant handling his professional and personal affairs with equal efficiency--including his hubris-sized ego--both bring a twinkle-in-the-eye charm to this first tent-pole movie of the summertime box office season. And this tent-pole is made solid iron strong because of it.

From the opening salvo of Stark's bloody capture by terrorists, to his revelation his weapons of mass destruction actually kill more than the enemy, Downey keeps the balance of humor and drama in proper comic book movie perspective. While motivations and characters are measured in black and white to keep the action neatly moving, it 's Downey's cheeky delivery and attitude riffing against Paltrow's dry, no-nonsense, manner in between the slam-bam fisticuffs, and Stark's humorous outcomes when developing his suit of armor that delights more than the expected rousing rock music score and flashy explosions; but those are not too shabby either.

Between the exploding tanks and humvees, and bullets ricocheting, his development of Iron Man's armor from early prototype to uber-gadgetized, mechanized, Jarvisized (a very personal and proper speaking computer net), and hot-rod red splashed alloy chick-magnet, the special effects kick in bigtime but still take a backseat to Downey's over-eager robotic helpers, his insistence on testing features not quite ready for prime time, and a chest implant keeping him alive, but glows like a Burger King sign and requires more upkeep than he can carry out alone. Ms. Potts rises to the occasion here, but sends him into cardiac arrest when she accidentally pulls the plug on this mini-power plant, which keeps the shrapnel scattered around his heart from moving any closer. It also powers the suit of armor, and provides the impetus for a mine-is-bigger confrontation between Iron Man and a very hostile corporate take over.

The movie stays true to the original comic book storyline, but updates it from Vietnam to Afghanistan. There's also S.H.I.E.L.D. For comic geeks (like myself) who grew up on a steady diet of the Avengers and Nick Fury's gadget-topian secret service, I'll only say you need to stay seated past the credits. A teaser shows the possibilities for the sequel, and they are Marvel-ous indeed. This beginning franchise is running on all thrusters, and if Downey and Paltrow stay the course, it will remain so.

Movie Review: Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007)

Zombos Says: Fair (misses the fantastic spirit of the comic book story by a mile)

I was grievously disappointed with Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. I wasn't grievously disappointed with the first Fantastic Four film, just very disappointed. But this second film definitely cut me to the quick. Deeply. I expected so much more.

In what's called, by older comic fans, the Silver Age of Marvel Comics, the arrival of Galactus and his herald, the Silver Surfer, is a high point in the very successful collaboration between Stan Lee, writer, and Jack Kirby, illustrator. In this landmark story, the turbulent Sixties' philosophical struggle between the Flower Power hippies and the war machine Establishment is reflected in the relationship between the quintessential flower-child, Silver Surfer, and his nasty job for the ultimate status quo Establishment man, the Devourer of Worlds and wielder of the Power Cosmic, Galactus. Aside from making for terrific illustrations used in those nifty psychedelic black light posters, the depth of the storyline—unusual for comic books up until then—was heavy, man, and downright righteous. But you'd not know any of that after watching this film.

Instead, what we get is more standard chuckles between Ben and Johnny, Susan's concern over how their celebrity is ruining her marriage and family plans, along with another one of her "Oh, damn, I'm nude again in public" scenes, and simplistic children's twaddle that completely erases the grandeur, nobility, and greater depth depicted in the comic book for gosh sakes. Digest that last sentence again: the 1960's comic book storyline had more depth than this movie.

In this film, the Silver Surfer has more depth in his navel then in his relationship with the Fantastic Four or Galactus. More thought was devoted to introducing the toy-potential Fantasticar than the significance of dealing with a power cosmic wielding, mass destruction godlike being whose hunger for sustenance must be fed at all costs. It wasn't bad enough they changed this giant, purple-suited human-like being into a Dyson vacuum commercial, they also had to remove a key plot element also: blind Alicia's relationship with the Silver Surfer.

In the original comic book storyline, it is Alicia's philosophical arguments and pleadings that open the Silver Surfer's eyes and long-dormant heart, causing him to turn against the big guy. Instead, Sue Storm just bats her eyes and the Silver Surfer is reminded of his long lost love; how convenient. Gone are the philosophical debates about life in all its forms being important. I suppose that's too sixties for today's more sophisticated audiences.

Apparently, what's more appropriate is writing down to the audience by relying on the usual funny banter and sight gags, with by-the-script Fantastic Four family squabbling. Hello, anybody notice Armageddon approaching yet? While Reed does the disco hustle at his bachelor party, and Johnny dons his Keebler-endorsed blue suit, whatever happened to a little suspense? Except for that brief planet explosion in the opening, more time is spent away from the impending doom than on it. I got it that being a celebrity is annoying, but hey, so is having your planet chewed on like rock candy while you're still standing on it.

Another critical character missing is the Watcher. Another big, toga-robed bald guy, the Watcher does just that. He's an observer and doesn't involve himself in the little problems of life and death. Until he sees the Silver Surfer heading for earth. For the first time, he takes a stand and steps in to hide the planet from Galactus' herald, but fails, leading to the drama that is sorely missing in this film, and the Silver Surfer's redemption.

At this point, you're probably saying to yourself, man, a purple-dressed and toga-robed duo of giants would have been laughable on screen. Perhaps, but you bought everything else up till now, right? You're okay with a flaming man, an invisible woman, a rubber guy, and an orange rock pile with a head, not to mention the Alcoa Reynolds Wrap riding the sky on a silver surfboard without any swim trunks. At least their appearance in the film would have made the story more—ironically—human and visually interesting.

Doctor Doom makes his obligatory sequel appearance. This time he's very interested in the Surfer's mode of transportation, the energy-empowering surf board. While this plot actually does happen in later issues of the comic book, why rush into it here? Planet-eating bad guys not enough? Interestingly, Kirby decided on the hang-ten board mainly because he was tired of drawing spaceships, but maybe his sub-conscious nudged him into this dichotomy of having a being that can cruise the universe at will like some surfer-dude riding out the eternal big one, but only just so far as his servitude to the man would allow, like some cosmic weekend warrior living free in his SUV until Monday rolls around again.

Doom ingratiates himself to the military, and too easily snatches the board away. Speaking of depth, there's much more to Doom in the comic books than you'd ever guess from his weak portrayal here, but at least he does wear his suit of armor and cape this time around. As the Fantasticar makes its commercial appearance—kiddies, it's already available at Toys "R" Us!—Doom fights to keep on surfing, even though the planet's about to be pulverized. Go figure. Maybe he just wants to live up to his name.

Jumping to another issue in the comic book series, Johnny's ability to absorb the Fantastic Four's other powers, which amazingly comes after his run in with the Silver Surfer, gives him powers like the Super Skrull (Fantastic Four Issue Number 18), and he goes after Doctor Doom. Before that brief showdown, his predicament provides the underpinning for most of the too easy, audience-tested chuckles as wacky antics ensue because of it.

In one of the most anti-climactic "why didn't he think of that in the first place if it were that easy" denouements, all's right with the world as the Silver Surfer realizes the error of his ways and saves mankind. Considering the title of this film is Rise of the Silver Surfer, I suspect a spin-off franchise is in the works. Just think of the marketing potential. I can see the silvery toys lining those shallow shelves now.

Like I said, I was grievously disappointed.

Movie Review: Spider-Man 3 (2007)

Zombos Says: Excellent

Journeys end in lovers meeting, or so the saying goes. Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson do have one rough journey, though, before that ending comes.

Spider-Man 3 is the movie Superman Returns should have been. Take one iconic American comic book character, stir in lots of terrific, dizzying action, add a measure of relationship-woes, sprinkle a dash of rocky romance, and what Sam Raimi cooks up for the third time in a row is a movie that captures the emotional and visual charge of the comic book art form for the big screen like no other superhero movie has done since the original Superman.

Just make sure you sit farther back in the theater to catch it all: it gets rather hectic and you may spill your popcorn trying to keep up with Danny Elfman's exciting music and all that web-slinging mayhem.

Spidey's doing pretty well. He's on top of the world; and when Spidey's happy, Peter's happy. Filled with a cocksure attitude that he can take on anything, his Spider-sense doesn't warn him about those dark clouds on the horizon. He's so wrapped up in his alter-ego's success, he can't see that Mary Jane's really hurting from a career stumble, or that Norman Osborn's sinister heritage has been passed onto his son, Harry.

If that weren't enough to upset his cozy web, there's the meteor rock that crashes, releasing a spidery creepy-crawling black sludge that wants to make friends with him in a really bad way; and then he finds out that the man who killed Uncle Ben, is not the man he cornered in the warehouse back in Spider-Man 1. The real killer of his uncle is Flint Marko, who escapes from prison only to get his molecules shaken and stirred with a pile of sand during a particle-reactor fusion test.

The result is a villain, the Sandman, that provides much of the onscreen action in swirling sand clouds that pack quite a wallop--and pathos. He's not all bad, just morphed that way. He desperately keeps trying to steal the money needed for his dying daughter's treatment, but Spider-Man keeps getting in the way. Thomas Haden Church is perfect as the Sandman. His angular face, striped-shirted athletic build, and ability to convey the internal struggle with the regret for the decisions he's made add up to one of Spider-Man's strongest, yet more vulnerable foes.

Venom is not so vulnerable. That creepy-crawling sludge has no internal struggle to slow it down. It just needs someone with enough anger to make it thrive. It finds that anger in Peter. His need for revenge on the man who murdered his uncle is all consuming, and feeds the black parasite what it needs. It consumes Peter and his Spidey costume, creating a darker, more aggressive, more callous Spider-Man and Peter Parker.

In a funny then serious show of his newfound over-confidence and aggressiveness, Peter makes the relationship with Mary Jane worse and uses Gwen Stacy to do it. He also goes after the new Daily Bugle staff photographer, who played dirty, with a vengeance; again making a bad decision that will lead to the creation of a much more powerful foe.

As Peter and Spider-Man struggle with the choices to be made, Aunt May, and Ben (in flashbacks), try to help him find his way out of the darkness. But will he make the right choices to rid himself of his more sinister self? And when the Sandman and Venom team up to end Spider-Man, how will he survive their combined onslaught?

Raimi proves once again who's your Superhero Daddy. He and the special effects crew create a swirling, spiraling, exhilarating ballet of web-slinging aerial combat that sizzles across the screen. In between the slugfests, he captures the difficult relationship between Peter and Mary Jane, the growing relationship between Peter and Gwen Stacy, and the trade-offs of being everyone's hero.

Spider-Man 3 is the perfect kick-off to this summer of the cinema, where more potential blockbusters wait in the wings. 'Nuff said.