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More Not So Boring Movie Radio Spots!

Forbidden World Movie PosterIt Came From Hollywood by way of Granny Creech

I was sitting in my kitchen the other morning when Big Abner comes running into my house, his laptop in hand.

“Granny, did you see your latest posting on Zombos’ Closet? he yelled.” He changed it!”

I took his computer from him and I couldn’t believe my eyes.

“Why that old….he took off all of my horror and science-fiction spots and replaced them with beach party spots and spots for some sleazy girlie movies,” I exclaimed.

“Yep, and he called yours “boring”!” added Abner.

I fumed. I thought the spots I had chosen from the It Came From Hollywood collection were pretty good and in keeping with the theme of my postings. But here he called them boring?? Hmmm. I would get to the bottom of this and have a nice long talk with Zombos’ valet, Zoc.

Big Abner sat down with me and we listened to the spots Zoc had chosen to replace mine. The Beach Blanket Bingo spots were pretty interesting and the lobby spots for Beach Party were cool; ah, that Frankie Avalon. Then we listened to the spots for The Student Nurses, The Young Nurses and then The Swinging Barmaids.

“Humpf,” I said. “Who would pay money to go see those movies?” I grumbled.

I looked at Abner. His eyes were glazed over and sweat was beginning to form on his brow.

“Abner!” I said. “Put your tongue back in your mouth and wipe that silly grin off your face.”

“Bye, Granny,” he said abruptly. “I’ve got to go!”

“Where are you off to?” I asked.

“The thrift store! I’ve got to find those movies and watch them….especially The Swinging Barmaids!” And with that he was out the door. …

Scary Humor with Cracked’s For Monsters Only Magazine

Cracked's For Monsters Only Issue OneI contributed this article, originally, to 70s Monster Memories, edited by Eric McNaughton (publisher of We Belong Dead magazine). I’m happy to say the book has gone into reprints.

 

In 1965, the neighborhood corner store’s magazine rack was filled with monster magazines and many freshly minted monster kids. Gorged on the zany, horror-host-hosted Shock! television packages of classic (and often spastic) horror and science fiction movies, monsterish humor was hotter than an angry villager’s sputtering torch. It would take maturing monsterkids in the 1970s to clamor for more sophisticated reading, but until then blame Vampira and Forrest J. Ackerman’s Famous Monsters of Filmland for making horror movies cool by poking a little fun, and a lot of puns, their way.

And also profitable. It didn’t’ take a mad scientist’s machinations to realize that by adding funny captions to movie photos (often already owned or loaned from the movie studios), you could easily fill up a magazine’s pages on the cheap.

Carrying this humor angle to the extreme was Cracked’s For Monsters Only: The Official Magazine for All Monsters! Begun in 1965, and running through to its 10th and last issue in 1972, its funny cartoons and illustrations, wacky John Severin drawn comics and covers, and wide assortment of crazy-captioned movie photos populated by aliens, monsters, and other assorted creatures (and their victims), were aimed at the reader’s funny bone instead of his or her jugular vein.

Never quite finding its circulation or format footing, the issues wavered between being overrun by Cracked-slanted cartoons, illustrations, and captioned photos, or nominally kept at bay by non-humorous content, like the The Secret Files of Marc Vangoro’s comic-illustrated stories, tossed in for the horror comics fan, and the informative articles, written by Richard Bojarski, which highlighted the notables of horror along with their movies.

By 1972, Cracked’s For Monster’s Only was doomed. More relevant magazines clamored for the corner store’s rack space, and avid readers, by appealing to the multi-genre fans emerging in the 1970s. Monster kid appetites were becoming more voracious, seasoned by the beginnings of the comic book and popular culture conventions, into devouring anything and everything comic books, horror movies, and science fiction and fantasy. Cracked’s For Monsters Only, whose content was never really enough to satisfy that appetite, and with its publication too sporadic to become more than a mouthful, would be left on the racks and lose its readership faster than a vampire could make a blood bank withdrawal.

But before its end came, the Cracked visual style, led by John Severin, would create an unforgettable visual mix of detail and exaggeration that would bring charm, fancifulness, and satire to the classic monsters that is still highly regarded today.

Following are some notes on each issue for your edification pleasure. …

The Masked Rider (1941) Pressbook

It Came From Hollywood sends along this pressbook for Johnny Mack Brown’s The Masked Rider. Ford Beebe directed (Night Monster, Flash Gordon Conquers the Universe). Beebe preferred directing westerns, which were the staple movies for many studios at the time. Then the 1950s rolled around and science fiction took over (just like Woody getting sidelined by Buzz Lightyear in Toy Story). John Brown played in many westerns. His handsome mug got a choice spot on Wheaties cereal boxes in 1927, leading to Hollywood and a string of casting in top-liners until he was suddenly replaced during a 1931 movie, Laughing Sinners. According to b-westerns.com “Apparently Brown’s slow, southern drawl caused some problems when talkies arrived, and MGM opted not to renew his contract.” His career nose-dived and he changed his name to Johnny Mack Brown and starred in B-movie westerns, which made him quite popular.

The Masked Rider 1943 pressbook The Masked Rider 1943 pressbook The Masked Rider 1943 pressbook The Masked Rider 1943 pressbook

Stairway to Heaven (1946) Pressbook
It’s Heavenly

This 12-page, large format, pressbook for Stairway to Heaven, 1946 (the American title), is heavenly. Lots of promotion, articles, and theater lobby eye-candy to bring in the romantic couples. You can thank director Joe Dante (Gremlins, Piranha, The Howling, need I continue?) for sending along this beauty to ZC. This movie is a fantasy romance and stands at 20 in the British Film Institutes’ 100 Best British Movies list. Operation Ethel, the massive escalator built for the titular stairway between here and there, cost a lot of money at the time, but was noteworthy onscreen. Bosley Crowther, the persnickety film critic for the New York Times liked it–a miracle right there.

stairway to heaven 1943 pressbook

It Came From Hollywood Radio Spots!
It’s All About the Girls!

Beach Blanket Bingo Dell Comic
Source: The Mermaid Wiki

Courtesy of It Came From Hollywood, and through the peregrinations of one Granny Creech, come these hot radio spots for movies from a time when women were eye-candy and men were drooling idiots oggling and dreaming about them as they appeared in various states of distress and undress on the silver screen (story, what story?) We’ve come a long way, baby, as Loretta Lynn sang in her song (which was based on an advertising slogan to entice women to smoke Virginia Slims and get cancer like the men: equal rights for all!) Now you can enjoy these racy radio spots in the privacy of your own computer space. Lucky you.

And now a word from Granny…

I was cleaning up the kitchen the other day after an all-nighter of cooking up some of my famous brew when I heard an awful noise coming from the front of my house.  It sounded like something was being dragged, creating a loud screeching sound. I hurried to the front door and opened it, and my eyes fell upon a creepy sight. Coming up my sidewalk were two ghastly figures, both wearing worn black suits with top hats, and dragging what appeared to be a large coffin-shaped wooden box. I approached them and asked what in the world they were doing.

“Are you Granny Creech?” the one on the left asked in a creaky old voice.

“I am. What are you two doing here?”

“My name is Paul McShroud. This is my business associate Robert O’Graves. We have something for you.”

I went and looked at the large wooden box, the top fastened to the bottom with a large rusty lock.

“What is this? What’s in it?”, I asked.

“This is a collection of a lifetime,” Mr. O’Graves said. “We need to pass all of this along and we knew it would be safe and cared for in your hands.” he added. (ZC Note: I found out later the stuff was HOT! They had to ditch it fast and Granny is such a pushover.)

Mr. McShroud reached in his pocket and pulled out an old key. He unlocked the rusty old lock and together he and Mr. O’Graves opened it. I peered in and couldn’t believe my eyes. It was full of musty old radio spots and all sorts of promotional audio material. I stood there with my mouth wide open and glanced at the two cadaverous persons in front of me. …

The Moor (2023)
When More Should be Less

The Moor 2023 movie poster

Zombos Says: Almost fully terrifying, but bogs down from a slow pace.

Some movies take a lot of time to build suspense or atmosphere. I think movement is more important than time. That movement can come from the camera, from dialog, and from how the story plays out. The Moor, directed by Chris Cronin and written by Paul Thomas has four truly chilling moments surrounded by a lot of dull moments that stretch its running time almost as large as the titular Moor that Bill (David Edward-Robertson), Claire (Sophia La Porta), Ellie (Elizabeth Dormer-Philips), Alex (Mark Peachey), and Liz (Vicki Hackett) find themselves trudging through. I will say up front that Sam Cronin, the cinematographer, makes me dislike that moor (filmed in Yorkshire, England). The endless, boggy and foggy moor-scape imaged here is, alone, quite unsettling. I can see why this movie won the Best Scare at the Total Film FrightFest Awards in 2023, but you will need to be patient because the scares come toward the last third or so of the movie. The last scare, on that dreary moor, is classic.

The Moor 2023 movie scene

Bill’s son went missing twenty-five years ago. Since then, he has been searching the moor with the help of Liz, a ranger with experience and sense, something he starts losing throughout the movie. He approaches Claire, a former podcaster, to drum up attention to the case again, as the child-abductor is actually known and was sent to prison for twenty-five years. But with the chance of him being released, Bill is desperate to find anything on the moor that will keep him in prison. …

Exhuma (2024) Movie Review

Exhuma movie poster“Hello?”

“I’m calling for Zoc.”

“Yes?

“Hi. I’m Will Cast from Mirackle Streaming.”

“I’m sorry, who?”

“Will Cast. You know. Our motto is if it’s good streaming it’s a mirakle.”

“Oh, right. I think I got you in a bundle with Disney+ and Shudder. What can I do for you?”

“Yeah, don’t get me started on those bundles. It’s like cable all over again. Anyway, we’re pushing the South Korean creeper, Exhuma. Made a lot of money over there and its got some legs with all the Korean and Japanese political and supernatural elements. They do good ghost stories, though a bit slow-walking to watch, but always moody and broody, you know what I mean?

“Yes, on pacing. Just finished watching the Norwegian Handling the Undead. A lot of slow-walking there but has its moments, some intense ones, so memorable.”

“Yeah, well this baby keeps your eyes busy with inquisitive camera movement, ominous and dreary atmosphere, and murderous ghosts. Especially one really big Japanese ghost–really an anima, as they say in the movie–that likes sweetfish and mellons and slaughtering people for their livers. Reminds me of that big demon, Samri, in Purana Mandir.

“It’s gory then?”

“Nah, tame stuff compared to what the U.S. puts out today.”

“What about the characters?” …

Goliath and the Dragon (1960) Pressbook

You can thank American International Pictures for bringing the Italian Goliath and the Dragon to U.S. theaters. Although originally Hercules was the main character, AIP changed the name to Emilius (known as Goliath in the movie) to provide a sequel (well, sort of) for their release of Goliath and the Barbarians. When the rights to the actual planned sequel fell through, AIP just retitled this one instead. They also added a stop-motion dragon into the movie, but you will only see it in the Americanized version. Still perplexing to me is the presence of Broderick Crawford (Highway Patrol, 1955 TV series). I just can’t envision him as the villainous King Eurystheus. And this sword and sandal opus doesn’t even have either Steve Reeves or Gordon Scott! AIP-TV’s initial offering included this movie in the 40-movie deal they struck for television airplay in 1964. That’s where I originally caught this one (probably on a Sunday morning, along with Tarzan and Abbott and Costello). The pressbook itself is nicely presented and it has a coloring page!

After the success of Goliath and the Barbarians, Lou Rusoff wrote a script called Goliath and the Dragon that Sam and Jim planned to film in Italy with Debra Paget. These plans fell through and AIP ended up buying an Italian movie called The Vengeance of Hercules and reworking it to fit their title by adding scenes with a dragon. (Smith, Gary A., American International Pictures – The Golden Years, BearManor Media.)

Goliath and the Dragon Pressbook

Handling the Undead (2024)
When Loved Ones Don’t Love Anymore

Handling the Undead movie still

Zombos Says: More horror and less lingering reflection would appeal more to horror fans.

Thea Hvistendahl directs this Norwegian horror-lite story with slick and sluggish intent and too much ponderous observation with static, composition-lingering, scenes stretching at times to monotony.

Beautiful camera movement, intense mundane closeups, and whispering emotions play through three families, intertwining the despondent living, dealing with their grief, then dealing with the unexpectedly returning dead, who are devoid of anything human except for their worse-for-death bodies. Rain, subdued color, quiet through most of the film (there is little dialog or music), and gloomy drone-shot vistas increase the desolation of souls and relationships. Handling the Undead is a slow drama that sometimes exceeds its inertia. That is, until the last act of the movie, where Hvistendahl’s more energetic editing increases the pace, ratcheting up the despair and terror as the standard zombie trope surfaces with bite.

The supernatural event begins with the local utility power surging, wreaking havoc with radio, disrupting the flight of birds, and then flicking a brief blackout. Before that, we explore each family. A young mother (Renate Reinsve) sits by a fan, preparing for work. She is grieving the loss of her son. She is inconsolable and no longer communicates well with her father (Bjørn Sundquist) the boy’s grieving grandfather. At work she prepares meals under another fan. Then there are the two lovers (Olga Damani, Bente Børsum). One is saying goodbye to the other in an empty, cavernous, mortuary. As the body is wheeled away it goes through a door beside a filled-up dumpster, barely nudging itself into the frame. The third, somewhat nuclear, household is livelier, until Eva (Bahar Pars), the girlfriend the kids like, dies in an auto accident.

Then the departed return: looking like death warmed over, mute, eyes staring into nothingness. Each family tries to make the new relationship work but this is a zombie movie after all, and zombies are always decomposing and antithetical to the living (except for the delightful Warm Bodies). The heart-broken grandfather, asleep by the gravesite, hears his nephew stirring in his coffin and digs him up (just like that); one lover returns to the other’s delight and is embraced (just like that), but incapable of reciprocating that love, the relationship struggles for air; and finally that girlfriend, who woke up after dying in her hospital room, brings everyone to her bedside with some semblance of joy, but invariably horrifies them (and us, certainly) in a scene worth the price of admission.

Any hope turns to fear as each of the undead reverts to problematic behavior. The visit to Eva in the hospital to reunite the sense of family winds up destroying it. As one lover tries to get the other to eat toast, with the camera slowly inspecting the food on the table as if it is just another meal they are sharing. I kept thinking, watch those fingers. A sudden, quite vigorous, chomp on the toast is unsettling and a hint of worse things to come. And the young mother and Elias, along with grandfather, head to an isolated island to avoid the police. Not so isolated as it turns out, leading to a more George Romero zombie lurking about and a realization leading to a heartrending decision that letting go is the only outcome possible.

Both compelling at times, tedious at times, and with a few beautifully calculated scenes of horror and loss, this is a tough film to market to horror fans spoon-fed on less contemplation and more screams. But there are moments of sadness and terror to appreciate in this almost-arthouse story about the living and the undead.

Children Shouldn’t Play
With Dead Things (1972)
Pressbook

When you think of VHS, this one definitely comes to mind (for those of us who still think of VHS, that is).  Alternate titles for Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things were Zreaks, Things from the Dead, Things from the Grave, and Revenge of the Living Dead. In Germany it was called Cemetery of the Dead, in Finland, Älä leiki kuolleilla, in Portugal, As Crianças Não Devem Brincar Com Coisas Mortas. Some trivia for you courtesy of IMDb: the names on the tombstones in the film are those of the crew members; they were made out of styrofoam (the tombstones, not the crew members). The film’s script was written in ten days (yes, I believe that).

The 1990 guidebook “Uranian Worlds: A Guide to Alternative Sexuality in Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Horror” by Eric Garber and Lyn Paleo lists this film as one of the first horror films to show positive (though stereotypical) gay male characters who also have an important role in its story. (cited from IMDb)

Children Shouldnt Play With Dead Things Pressbook

Children Shouldn’t Play
With Dead Things
Radio Spots!

Children Shouldn't play with dead things zombie

Direct to you from The Radio Reaper’s not so small reliquary (by way of Granny Creech’s overgrown backyard, through some creepy woods, and now here at last, are the almost endless radio spots for the creepy cult favorite: Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things (1972). It starts off as a horror comedy but gets dark and deadly as the children learn their terminal lessons. This is one of those movies best experienced on VHS, but hell, digital is easier to use these days. For 50 grand, you get a slow but really eerie story where you wind up rooting for the zombies (yeah, admit it, you always root for the zombies, you sick bastard). Stay tuned as we have thousands of cool radio spots just itching to light up your night, courtesy of two very generous horror hoarders, Granny Creech and The Radio Reaper. 

Here are some creepy radio spots to devour!