William Castle’s Movies Through Audio Thrills
Your old Granny Creech has been thinking a lot lately about William Castle, Mr. Showmanship himself.
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Your old Granny Creech has been thinking a lot lately about William Castle, Mr. Showmanship himself.
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Paul Holstenwall, our neighbor and purveyor extraordinaire of bad movies, had brought along That's a Wrap, which launched at FrightFest recently, to show Zombos and me. It had been a while since we were seated comfortably in the cinematorium to watch horror movies, and well, what the hell, I took a chance. Even knowing that Paul, who long-time readers of Zombos' Closet will recall has questionable taste (see one of Paul's misfires here), rarely brings the good stuff.
It had been a long while since I last reviewed a less than stellar endeavor and with IMDb giving this one a 6.7 rating, I felt somewhat safe. I wasn't. I also now know that IMDb ratings don't rate for much. I guess having an extended family, when you're in the business, can be a big help after all.
"So," asked Paul, "what did you think?" I looked at him. I looked at Zombos. Both stared at me, one beaming with delight, the other just beaming. Like death ray beaming to be precise. I lifted my Lychee French 75 that Chef Machiavelli had heavy-handed with the gin and gulped it down. I confess I held his hand while he poured the gin. I should have held it longer.
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Michaels has become my bellwether for Halloween. They have so much variety in their offerings, you can't go wrong. There's the gothic decor, blow molds, creepy spooky smalls, skeletons galore, Lemax Spooky Town, oh my! And they bring it all out in August! Just when us diehards are giving our last gasp from the heat and sandy beach terrors of the summer, it all comes in the nick of time. Here are some highlights.
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From Professor Kinema's archives comes this ominous copy of the Mr. Sardonicus pressbook. Lots of promotional material here, all laid out on one large sheet of glossy paper that folds to a nice petite mailing size for sending to theaters. The Punishment Poll was another gimmick William Castle used to get those butts in seats. We know there weren't two different endings shot for this movie, right? Mr. Sardonicus wasn't going to get off that easy now was he? Thanks to the Professor, here are some scene stills to entice you even more to see this one.
Comic Reader version: Download Mr Sardonicus
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Zombos Says: Crude, Rude, and Good
Watching The Weird Kidz, an animated horror tale from Zach Passero (writer, director, animator) and Hannah Passero (background artist), you get a vibe like this film is fresh out of a VHS cassette cover that was gotten from a mom and pop video store, from that section in back of the store, separated by a beaded curtain, making those videos mysterious, potentially naughty, and usually in need of a little extra kick (just saying) to enjoy with friends; you know, where only the true die hards would venture in search of a change-up from the usual mainstream glossy stuff. So yes, crude, rude, and definitely with hints of 70s and 80s growing up pains, The Weird Kidz can grow on you. It is like watching an X-Files episode done in a Robert Crumb underground comics kind of way, if Crumb was plastered to the walls and did not know what day it was.
It definitely looks like it took 8 years for Passero to draw it, which is not to say that is a bad thing. The lines, the motion, and backgrounds (thanks to his wife) are basic and a bit short of the word "style," but paired with the story it all works. And given the personalities of his characters, the simple art meshes well with them.
Their dialog delivery and relationship chemistry is much like what you would find in King of the Hill or Beavis and Butt-head. Not the smartest bunch, just simple but earnest and working through the awkward growing-up bits of life.
The most awkward of the bunch is Dug ( Tess Passero), being overweight, not athletic, and pretty good at arcade games. Flashbacks give us his rough connections with meeting everybody else's expectations, but he turns out to be determined in his actions and even-tempered when the monster shows up with It's family. Mel (Glenn Bolton) and Fatt (Brian Ceely) are his closest friends. Fatt isn't, and Mel, like Wyatt (Ellar Coltrane), has more adult stuff on his mind.
That more adult stuff comes into focus when Mary (Sydney O-Donnell) joins the group for a camping trip to Jerusalem Park. Of course, the local legend of the Night Child cryptid munching on people just adds to the campfire spook story effect; until Dug goes missing, Wyatt and Mary almost do it and suffer cryptid-interruptus, and Mel and Fatt get an eyeful of adult stuff with lots of fireworks.
Cue the cryptid and an unwelcomed spelunking, and the horror takes off from there. More terrifying are the sheriff (Sean Bridgers) and the only-store-for-miles lady (Angela Bettis), once they get involved. That's because they were already involved. Sneaky bastards.
As the voices go, they work well, but Mary's a bit too copacetic sounding at the worst times, and I would have expected Grumbles the bloodhound to have a lower voice given the balls he carries around (Passero is definitely not a Disney animator). It is also a bit funny watching anyone walk as the motion is abbreviated, but the overall direction keeps the story moving even if the characters are not. Also, either Wyatt is more stoned than he appears or he can take it on the chin much more than one would expect, given he gives one for the cryptid team. And Dug goes one better too, given the circumstances.
The Weird Kidz is a throwback to the life is hard, then you run from monsters making it even harder period of the 1970s and the growing-pains-suck-but-figure-it-out period of the 1980s. Taking us back to that section of the video store is always iffy at best, but this time around, it is a worthwhile trip.
This article was sent by bmail (that's batmail) from Granny Creech. A note that said Read it or Else was attached to it by a rusty paper clip. So…
What is a radio spot?
Well, back in the day when Granny Creech was just a young little thing, movie studios used to offer to movie theaters a vinyl record containing advertisements for the movie they were exhibiting. They first were issued on 10” 78 rpm records, then later 12” 33 1/3 rpm records or 7” 45 rpm records. The advertisements, or “spots”, usually varied in length, from 10 seconds up to one minute, leaving time at the end for a local announcer to “tag” the spot: “Now showing at the Rialto Theater.” Some records contained multiples of each time length.
When the theater manager received the record, they contacted their sales representative at the local radio station. The rep then designed a “package” of airplay. For example, they might sell the theater a package of 50 time slots over the course of a few days or a week for “x” amount of dollars. The spots would be played throughout the days, in between songs and other commercials, on a predetermined schedule, with emphasis placed on “drive time” (when motorists were in their car going to and from work), and weekends. The number of spots played per day usually increased as the start date of the movie drew near.
Spots produced for the movie varied greatly in terms of production value and complexity. Often, as was the case in the city where your Granny grew up, the local radio station produced original spots based on info provided by the theater manager. In some instances, the locally-produced spots were better than the studio-issued spots. Locally produced spots were the norm for drive-ins that showed three or more features per night.
Sadly, most spot records were discarded after the movie left the area. There was no longer any need for them. Some were saved by disc jockeys or theater personnel, but for the most part, that unique segment of movie promotion history was lost forever. However, some Monsterkids had the foresight to use their reel-to-reel tape recorders to record the spots live off the air.
The spots presented here in Granny Creech’s Radio Spot Crypt are some of my favorites. Some are better than others, but they all take me back to a simpler time, a time when listening to your favorite Top 40 radio station allowed you to hear of an exciting movie coming to your favorite theater. I’ve collected them from many places over many years. The names of the sites and the contributors have long-since been forgotten, but my thanks go out to those who shared my interest in them and preserved them for us to enjoy today.
Listen…
Jack Armstrong, The All-American Boy, had been on the radio for 14 years by the time Sam Katzman brought him to the screen in this 15 chapter serial. Once again, an evil mastermind is determined to use his death ray on the innocent. If nothing else, the serials taught us that it takes just one person to make a lot of trouble for the rest of us. And that death rays were cool weapons as long as you were not in the line of fire. Oh, and pretty easy to make, apparently. This pressbook has one of my favorite promotional gimmicks: the coloring page! One important note, too: Jack Armstrong may be rather silly, now that times have changed, but the character promoted a healthy wonder for science and cultures as part of being a well-rounded individual. An animated pilot for Jack Armstrong was done by Hanna-Barbera, but due to rights issues, that project eventually turned into Johnny Quest. (Check out the Johnny Quest FAQ at http://www.classicjq.com/info/JQFAQ.aspx.)
Download the comic reader version: Download Jack Armstrong The All American Boy
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Lowes' Halloween offerings for 2023 are going head to head with Home Depot's big is better theme. The smalls, which include some nifty animated and light up novelties, aren't shabby either. The life-size Haunted Mansion care-taker is a keeper (or screamer). The Jack o'Lanterns never looked so evil (you'd look like that too if people kept digging your guts out). And that scarecrow brings a little bit of the autumn harvest, but with bite, for those more traditionally inclined.
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From the deep archives of Professor Kinema comes this Mr. Sardonicus Punishment Poll card. While the images are large, the card is small. Really small. You can easily fit it in the palm of your hand with room to spare. But size has nothing to do with coolness, and this card is cool. The thumbs up or down, depending on how you hold up the card, glows in the dark. Another one of William Castle’s clever audience participation gimmicks, movie goers would choose which way the thumb pointed–mercy or no mercy–during Mr. Castle’s prompting at the film’s end. Which would you have chosen?
Granny Creech on the Classic Horror Film Board is crypt keeper of those radio spots they used to do for movies. I honestly did not think anyone collected them, let alone kept them alive for present and future monsterkids everywhere. So hat tip and wolf-head cane salute to Granny for being generous with sharing this creepy, goosebumps inducing, radio spot for Night of the Living Dead.
This book review first appeared in The Horror Zine.
In Bram Stoker’s Dracula, there are five points of view to tell the story: five narrative voices that include Jonathan, Mina, Lucy, Dr. Seward, and Van Helsing. Stoker signposts each one with dates so the reader does not get lost in the story as it progresses. Dan Klefstad’s Fiona’s Guardians also uses a multi-narrator approach too, though he uses section headings to mark their first-person narratives as they move back and forth. Pay attention to those signposts because he does switch often. He also tosses in flashbacks, challenging the reader even more to keep pace with the story he unfolds by shifting between past and present events. A weakened element from all this is the why, as his approach, moving between the vampires and the humans, which include Fiona, Daniel, Wolf, Soren, and the rather comical secret religious order of brothers called Mors Strigae, along with some key actions that take place off-page, make their motivations, with the inherent whys and wherefores, a bit vague at times.
Fiona is a century old, give or take, vampire with a long-standing problem. Gone are the nights she could hit up the local village for a few warm pints. She addresses her daily need for blood by hiring special domestic help (guardians) through job postings. The listing promises much but it makes clear that instant death is a possibility if the applicant does not work out, that the position is permanent, that being an orphan is a plus, having a strong aversion to gossiping with the neighbors also much desired, being able to improvise and invest smartly a minimum requirement, and able to tie loose ends neatly or wrap a corpse tightly, complete the job description. Oh, and to find blood, of course, from more civilized sources like hospitals and blood banks (known in the trade as ‘banking’), to keep a low profile.
Wolf is a new hire and Daniel, a long-time guardian, shows him the ropes. Soren, one of Fiona’s more demanding and condescending vampire lovers, makes it tough for the guardians, and Daniel, especially, would like to see Soren burn in the daylight. Complicating the job of keeping Fiona supplied with blood are the brothers of the Mors Strigae, who cannot seem to do anything without making a mess of it. Guns with wooden bullets and drones are their primary weapons as they track down vampires, with Fiona their primary long-time target. Her fellow vampires also start gunning for her, but she’s pretty tricky. She is a female vampire in a male-dominated vampire’s world. To change that she will need to go up against her own kind and the antediluvian vampire who dominates them all.
Brother Raymond and Father Abbott hatch plans or pick up the pieces after those plans usually fail, Daniel and Wolf bicker over the on-the-job training, Fiona and Soren, along with the backstabbing vampires and Mors Strigae politics and power struggles, thicken and enrich the plot. Betrayal, loyalty, some lust, and human and vampire foibles and wickedness complicate who the reader should be cozying up to and rooting for. But their dialogs are a versatile highlight throughout the book, handled expertly and with proper inflexion for each personality. At times it continues past its freshness date, but it never becomes perfunctory or out of character. Through it all, Fiona schemes and maneuvers her way with her own purpose in mind. And she is one vampire who gets what she wants, by smile or by bite.