It Came From Hollywood by way of Granny Creech…
I was sitting in my kitchen the other morning when Big Abner comes running into my house, his laptop in hand.
“Granny, did you see your latest posting on Zombos’ Closet? he yelled.” He changed it!”
I took his computer from him and I couldn’t believe my eyes.
“Why that old….he took off all of my horror and science-fiction spots and replaced them with beach party spots and spots for some sleazy girlie movies,” I exclaimed.
“Yep, and he called yours “boring”!” added Abner.
I fumed. I thought the spots I had chosen from the It Came From Hollywood collection were pretty good and in keeping with the theme of my postings. But here he called them boring?? Hmmm. I would get to the bottom of this and have a nice long talk with Zombos’ valet, Zoc.
Big Abner sat down with me and we listened to the spots Zoc had chosen to replace mine. The Beach Blanket Bingo spots were pretty interesting and the lobby spots for Beach Party were cool; ah, that Frankie Avalon. Then we listened to the spots for The Student Nurses, The Young Nurses and then The Swinging Barmaids.
“Humpf,” I said. “Who would pay money to go see those movies?” I grumbled.
I looked at Abner. His eyes were glazed over and sweat was beginning to form on his brow.
“Abner!” I said. “Put your tongue back in your mouth and wipe that silly grin off your face.”
“Bye, Granny,” he said abruptly. “I’ve got to go!”
“Where are you off to?” I asked.
“The thrift store! I’ve got to find those movies and watch them….especially The Swinging Barmaids!” And with that he was out the door.
That grandson of mine. He couldn’t get out of my house fast enough to find those nudie-cutie movie wannabees that Zoc had substituted for my “boring” ones. I hope Abner and his wife Hortense have a good time watching them and I…hmmm…wait a minute…Abner heard the spots for these three movies and he couldn’t wait to go find them. Well, I guess that is what this is all about, preserving these bits of movie history and promotion that were produced to get people into the theaters. Still, those marketing campaigns with the sexy voices and double entendres had worked its magic on at least one gullible soul. And who knows how many had succumbed before? I re-listened to all the spots and must admit they were pretty good from a marketing perspective, targeting certain demographics, one of which Abner fell into. They had done their job.
I guess I can understand Zoc’s excitement with those spots. After all, I did tell him he could have those types of spots to post and leave me the other “boring” horror and science-fiction ones. Maybe I was a little hasty in my judgment of the old Zocko? He could have at least told me what he was up to instead of telling you all to help him keep his little secret. Which didn’t work, by the way. Shortly after Abner’s visit, all the women in my neighborhood gathered in my front yard, ready to go find Zoc and…well…what they intended to do to him is too gross to relate here.
So, I’ll try this once again: Straight from It Came From Hollywood, here are Those Fantastic Flying Fools, Blast-Off (the re-edited, re-release title), The Conqueror Worm, Deranged (starring Roberts Blossom, Old Man Marley, from Home Alone! Say it isn’t so!!), and Forbidden World. I think they all are pretty good. Let’s hope Zoc isn’t paying attention this time. Enjoy! (Temporary Editor’s Note: He’s away on vacation. No problem.)
Before I upload this post, I need to tell you something funny. Big Abner complained to me that he was in downtown Pumpkin Hollow yesterday and found out the video store was broken into and several old VHS and DVDs were taken. Witnesses say some creepy, haggard-looking old guy was seen slinking around the store the day before. The only clues found were an old Blockbuster video store membership card, with the name “Iloz Zoc,” next to several empty Guinness beer cans.
Blast Off
Deranged
Forbidden World
The Conqueror Worm
Those Fantastic Flying Fools