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Reflections

Fezzes are Cool

bela dracula sideshow with fezZombos' doesn't quite agree, but me and Dr. Who do: Fezzes are cool! I spotted this one at an antique show, but so did my Uncle Bob. He has a keen eye. He also has longer arms, so he grabbed it first. I pined away for months, knowing that the only true home for it was atop Bela's head. 

For my 56th birthday my uncle surprised me by presenting the fez to me. Now I and Bela are truly happy. I recommend fezzes for everone's 56th birthday. Whether you have an urge to be a Son of the Desert, a desire to belong to a secret society that everyone knows about,  or just need that finishing touch for your crimson velvet smoking jacket, remember, fezzes are cool!

  bela dracula sideshow with fez

bela dracula sideshow with fez

Barnes & Nook: The Borders Are Narrowing

Netlfix_nookThe recent news that Barnes & Noble is tinkering with their Nook business and may spin it off from its core bookstore business is like deja vue all over again. They aren't Netflix, of course, but boy it does sound a lot like the potential to deflate what little bookstore business their doing now is growing tangible.

I say little because each time I walk into my local B&N its core bookstore business appears smaller than before. Sure, you've got Starbucks (love the Starbucks), and you've got the usual top of the heap of what's selling in print; but missing are the carousels of books because they've been replaced with carousels of googaws, cutesies, games, and touchy-feely items that didn't bring me into the store in the first place. Okay, yes, the Starbucks did–guilty–but I still like to walk around with my coffee to peruse the shelves, especially the horror and movie sections. That is, until the bookshelves started disappearing, taking all those potentially perusable books with them.

I'll be frank. I buy a lot of books on Amazon. Do I go into a bookstore to look at a book then buy it cheaper on Amazon? No. Yes. Well, maybe. If the book's a lot cheaper and I'm not in a rush, sure. If the book's only a little cheaper, I'll buy it from the bookstore. And there have been times when I just couldn't wait after perusing the book and had to have it then and there. My point is I find browsing books at a bookstore a heck of a lot more fun than trying to browse for books online, and I'll pay more for the convenience and the empowerment it gives. Many times I've gone over to the movie section and found books I'd never have thought of searching for. Sold! Other times B&N forced me to get a book on Amazon because they didn't carry it in that store's stock, but they could order it for me. Shoot,  I can order it online, myself. Amazon Prime, baby! These days I've been spending much more time at a bookstore in Huntington called Book Revue. Loads of used-books, great prices, and a boffo movie section. And they've got a cafe, too. Sweet.

I wonder when B&N will be run by booklovers again? 

Right now the heart of my B&N store is taken up by the Nook, its accessories, its antecedents, and its ne'er do well digital cousins. I like the Nook. I like Kindle. I like ebooks, mostly. But electronics sales belong in Best Buy, Target, and a heck of a lot of other places more suitable. Sure, a sales counter for Nooks is fine; devoting a huge portion of the bookstore to push digital readers isn't. Where are the damn books? And I don't mean the best-sellers, the pampering twaddle of self-help, feel-good, look-good pablum piled high on the discount tables. There are enough of those. I mean the treasures to be found in horror, science fiction, and fantasy books, the non-fiction books, the books that don't fit easily into the ludicrous categories that have sprung up to legitamize and commercialize nonsense. 

Oh, wait, those shelves aren't there anymore. Tic-Tac-Toe in wood, anyone?

What I'd rather see– I'm sure many print book readers would agree with me–is more books TO SEE. Borders started acting like my local Stop and Shop, cramming every non-book fluff item to boost sales, and it led them slowly out the door. I'm afraid B&N's strategy is leading them out that same door. Once they dissociate from the Nook, what's left? More shelves full of games and toys and puzzles? Or more books?

I'm holding my breadth to find out. 

Enough With Mockumentary Gimmickry Already

JawsTo Whom It May Concern:

Please stop making mockumentary movies told through found-footage video.

Really. Please. Stop.

While it started as a creative and novel tool to boost audience anxiety levels and heighten dramatic effects, stretching the confines of a limited budget, its overuse has forced a predictable repetitiveness that now is clearly used only to trim budgets, lessen the cinematography burden, and shorten script development (aka, needing a full script that tells a complete story; aka paying for good writers).

Too often now an audience is tasked with piecing together a fragmented story from time-chopped snippets of supposed found-footage, comprised of interminable, ho-hum-boring, inaction inserted between herky-jerky-murky scenes flitting by, fast and furious, leaving audiences alternating between picking popcorn from their teeth or struggling to comprehend what’s happening.

It wasn’t like this in the beginning.

Cannibal Holocaust, The Last Broadcast and The Blair Witch Project were ground-breaking, scary, and enhanced by these techniques. By the time Cloverfield, [REC], and Paranormal Activity had arrived, the handheld camera as documentor absolute, had begun to stretch credulity by forcing us to assume a person, within the context of each movie’s situation, could constantly keep a handheld camera rolling in the most dire situations, disregarding personal safety, and even life and limb. Of course, in plots where a mockumentary is an integral stimulus for the story such as Troll Hunter, The Last Exorcist, and to a lesser extent, Diary of the Dead, it is easier to suspend disbelief because of their natural-use context .

But incessant hand-holding cameras have certainly jumped the shark with Apollo 18 and quite possibly Paranormal Activity 3. Can anyone honestly say these movies, and the other ones lined up in the queue, use the mockumentary and found-footage techniques because their stories demand such use and couldn’t be told in another way? Or has Hollywood and independent filmmakers resorted to using “found-footage” because it’s convenient for cutting corners in the production process and camouflaging their LESS as MORE from the audience? Certainly, in the case of the Paranormal Activity franchise, if forced to stay within the confines of its mockumentary format, we will be forced to view its continuing hauntings through kodachrome, kinetascope, and eventually daguerreotypes, respectively.

So where do we go from here?

I implore you to drop the gimmicky overuse of the mockumentary and found-footage formats from horror movies and return to telling stories in a more demanding but visually satisfying way (aka drop the cheapening shaky-cam and off action angles), with well-written scenes devoid of stupefying inaction to pad out the minutes, and with properly fleshed out characters whose revealing dialog holds our attention. And then sufficiently light  it all so we can see what the hell’s happening to them.

Please. Really. Stop.

Final Destination 5
Ode On A Deathly Turn

Urn

THOU 5th installment of gory loudness,

Thou oft repeated script of messy deaths in time and time again,

Cinema horror fan, who canst thus express

Such bread and butter tales more bloodily than our rhyme:

What bowel-fringed tissue fragments haunt about thy screen

Round loose heads or flopping appendages, or of both,

In air flying or across floors smearing, outside or in?

What victims are these? What maidens quartered thus?

Which death pursues? What struggle to escape when sequels beckon?

What screams and entrails? What wild ecstatic gore?

Seen terminus’s are sweet, but those bleeding reddest

  Are sweeter; therefore, ye soft impalings, gut on;

Not to the sensual eye, but, more endear’d,

Slice to the entrails, tear the eyes, these messy ditties:

Fair youth, beneath the car, thou canst not breath

  Thy song of fear, nor ever can these scenes be fair;

Bold victim, never, never canst thou live,

Though winning near the goal—yet, do not grieve;

You cannot fade, though thou hast not thy stomach nor other bodily parts,

For ever wilt thou die, for Death be not fair!

Ah, happy, happy fans! that cannot shed

  Your quest for gore, nor ever bid the grue adieu;

And, happy dramatist, unwearièd,

For ever piping scripts for ever over and over again;

More happy death! more happy, happy death!

For ever breathing warm, and wet, sopped to overflowing,

For ever panting, and for ever young;

All breathing human misery far above,

That leaves a heart bursting forth, and cloyed over rest,

On burning forehead, a dislodged tongue, or cleaved breast.

Who are these critics coming to the sacrifice?

To what film altar, O mysterious critic,

Lead’st thou that review lowing at the tale,

And all its slimey flanks with gorelands drest?

What nestled town by river or sea-shore,

Or home-built citadel in city or temple,

Is emptied of its victims, this pious morn?

And, nestled town, thy streets for evermore

  Will no longer silent be; and not a soul, to tell

    Why thou’s art’s so desolate, can e’er return,

Till sequel plays havoc once again.

O terror shape! fear attitude! with dread

Of creature men and bosomy maidens overwrought,

With frightful branches thick with the trodden bowels;

  Thou, noisome form! dost tease us out of thought

As doth eternity: Cold tableau!

When old age shall this generation waste,

Thou shalt remain, to kindle other woe, more

  Than ours, a fiend to all, to whom thou say’st,

‘Horror is truth, truth horror,—that is all

Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know,

Till the next final destination.

 

by John M. “Keets” Cozzoli

Gullibles Travels
Or, Been There And Back Again

Donkeys_assWith the Rapture soon upon us–not, I take comfort in reading the many books on the folly of crowds, parade of madness-spouting end-of-dayers, and unfathomable stupidity of endlessly gullible followers who apparently have no day job to keep them busy. And yes, I believe in God, but not the religions that have sprung up like weeds, so intent on constantly interpreting the Word. Neither do I suffer the doomsday prognostications of silly interpreters who–seriously–need to brush up on their spiritual language skills. And since God's busy running the Universe, he leaves us alone to make our own decisions, no strings attached. The only strings are the ones we pull, and boy, there are a lot of puppets doing crazy dances out there.

Me, I'm going to IHOP tomorrow and getting a big honking stack of pancakes to celebrate another doomsday missed, but not forgotten. Any of you Rapture folk want to join me, I'm buying.  Besides, it's not even 2012 yet!

  • Extraordinary Delusions and the Madness of Crowds by Charles MacKay — now available for 99 cents as a Kindle ebook. Like a circus sideshow, you will be amazed and amused, but here it's how dumb people can be enraptured in the ballyhoo of the masses.
  • The Crowd: A Study of the Popular Mind by Gustave Le Bon — written in the 1800s so language and discussion is based on the time period and its events. Still contains valuable insights on "crowd contol."
  • How to Be a Charlatan and Make Millions by Jim Williams — ten lessons in cheating, lying, and taking advantage of the gullible to reach the top of the heap.
  • Mystics and Messiahs: Cults and New Religions in American History by Philip Jenkins — yeah, what's new is old is new again.

For those disapppointed the world is still here come May 22, get over it.

Straitjacket: Tales of Fantasy to Escape With

20110223093457_001 I recently reorganized my library and came across this fanzine I almost started when I was 19 . I say almost because after printing up the first issue of Straitjacket: Tales of Fantasy to Escape With, Phil Seuling's assessment of it made me tuck my tail between my legs and hide the issue.

He avoided me as long as he could at the 1975 Comic Art Convention in New York City, but I finally pinned him down. He didn't want to hurt my feelings, but he also was a professional and told me why my little endeavor wasn't very professional. After doing all that mechanical paste up and typing on a borrowed clunker's rigid keys to put it together, I didn't put up much of a fight. He was right. He was a good friend.

But for posterity, here's the first story I ever wrote, the Waters From Merom. I think I've gotten better, but when I get up enough courage to actually send out my recent work, I'm sure I'll find out one way or the other. My story appeared in another fanzine around that time, though I can't think of its name.  Lovecraft was and still is a heavy influence on me.

Just don't forget I was 19 at the time and it's my first story. I can't take any more criticism right now. Don't even bother asking about my pseudonym. My mind's drawing a blank on that one.

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They’re Closing My Borders Bookstore

Borders_store_closing Do you remember the Night Gallery episode, They're Tearing Down Tim Riley's Bar? It's the matching bookend to Rod Serling's Twilight Zone episode, Walking Distance.

They aren't horrific in the usual sense of the word, but they're both terrifying nonetheless. Both are about time marching on and how change happens around you, through you, in spite of you, and how you don't change–because you can't or won't or just plain get your butt stuck in the middle.

A transcendental fly, mired on some decade by decade sticky paper, you keep wiggling your little life's butt–and go nowhere. The kicker is you're still moving, even though you're ass isn't. You have no choice. Time's beating it's chronological fly swatter, hard, around you, swiping out the places, the people, and eventually all the sweet things you buzz around. And it sucks having to watch them go.

I'm going to miss the Borders they're closing in Westbury. It is better than Tim Riley's bar. It is close. It is convenient. It is comforting. It's where I spent time watching my son grow up from reading picture books to young adult vampire novels. It's where, after Tower Records crashed, my next favorite magazine place–before Borders downsized the racks–kept me coming back for new issues, fresh coffee, and stale pastries. It's where my family goes a few times each month to browse, to lounge, to explore. To be a family.

You remember browsing, don't you? It's a quaint ritual–not the same as web surfing–a little bitty thing, where you make time stand still on purpose, and directionless, so you can peek and prod around the usually hidden edges of may-be-interesting.

Catch my drift? Catch my key action word here? I don't think Borders did. In time it became too often that too few books and magazines were there to browse. Too often I was told the bookstore could order it for me, and I'll see it in a few days. Why bother? I can order online and get it faster.

I'm kind of sad, kind of annoyed. Bookstores are like libraries. There's something reassuring in being able to walk up and down their aisles, directionless, timeless, without a search query based on what somebody else thinks I'm looking for pointing the way. And when you've done it for a time in the same place, you start feeling like that guy in They're Tearing Down Tim Riley's Bar, even if you only drink coffee, and even though they're just books after all, when it goes away.

It’s 5 Movie Gimmicks Time!

Five movie gimmicks to pack the seats, for your edification pleasure. Lobby cards from Professor Kinema’s files.

Percepto and The Tingler

“Percepto! was a gimmick where William Castle attached electrical “buzzers” to the underside of several seats in movie theaters where The Tingler was scheduled to be screened. The buzzers were small surplus vibrators left over from World War II. The cost of this equipment added $250,000 to the film’s budget. It was predominantly used in the larger theaters. During the climax of the film, The Tingler was depicted escaping into a generic movie theater. On screen the projected film appeared to break as the silhouette of the tingler moved across the projection beam. The film went black, all lights in the auditorium (except fire exit signs) were turned off, and Vincent Price’s voice warned the audience “The Tingler is loose in THIS theater! Scream! Scream for your lives!” This cued the theatre projectionist to activate the buzzers and give several audience members an unexpected jolt.”  (from Wikipedia)

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Psychorama and My World Dies Screaming 

“In 1958, a film called My World Dies Screaming (later retitled Terror in the Haunted House) marked Hollywood’s first attempt to make use of this technique. At different points in this film, a skull is flashed to inspire terror, a snake to inspire hate, two hearts to inspire love, and large letters spelling out “blood” to create fear. The following year, 1959, saw another film produced using this same format, titled A Date with Death. Both movies starred Gerald Mohr. ” (from Wikipedia)

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The Screaming Skull and Free Burial Services

“The Screaming Skull begins with a voiceover explaining that the film is so frightening it may kill members of the audience, and that American International Pictures is prepared to pay for any burial services and funeral costs. During the voiceover, the camera pans inside an empty casket containing a note that reads “Reserved for you” “. (from Wikipedia)

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Hynovista and Horrors of the Black Museum

“In the opening prologue [of Horrors of the Black Museum], a “real hypnotist” actually hypnotizes the audience, giving them “hypnovision”, so that they will fully experience every thrilling moment of the film: see the vat of death!; feel the icy hands!; see the binocular murder!; and feel the tightening noose! Hypnovista was used only once – apparently not enough qualified hypnotists to go around for future film releases.” (from the Script Lab)

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Cannibal Girls and the Warning Bell

“It is about three young women being led by a Reverend who preaches cannibalism. The story gives off an urban legend feel, and was made as a spoof of traditional horror films. This cult movie is known for the ‘warning bell’ gimmick, which rang in theatres to warn the more squeamish members of the audience for impending gory scenes.” (from Wikipedia)

cannibal girls

You Are What You Ignore

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Horror movies are fun. I don't deny that. And I argue that they have their place in society–they show the evil that resides in the human heart and our desperate need both for God and for a savior. Since all films, all stories are, in effect, instruction manuals on how to live within this world, horror films must not operate by a different set of rules. When films give bad life-lessons, they should be called out for what they are: just plain wrong. (Scot Nehring, Godzilla is Dead: The New Brand of Japanese Horror Films)

In Scott Nehring's January Movies and Culture Report, the article Godzilla is Dead: The New Brand of Japanese Horror Films takes on torture porn and the dominance of nihilism in modern horror movies, or as he calls them, troubling productions. I agree with his reasoning but disagree with his conclusions and how he views horror through his Christian lens: distortion comes from using that lens.

To be fair, I will describe the lens I use before dissenting. I'm not a Christian, but I grew up Catholic (in body, not spirit). I don't attend mass, do not fear nor worship God, and, mostly, find all organized religions (sorry Wiccans, you too) a pain in the sacrosanct. Every religion has its doctrines, its rules of belief, and its rewards and punishments (payable now or later). All of these things confound the spiritual journey, more than enlightening it, with their stress on diety worship  over basic principles of morality and humanity.

Do I believe in God? Certainly. Is this a paradox? Hardly.

Prime Mover, doting omnipotent Father (or Mother), Heaven's Landlord, whatever you believe the nature of God to be it is just that, a belief. No proof of purchase necessary, although, Lord knows, there are many who must prove their beliefs well until Hell freezes over. I believe because it's difficult for me to watch the Wu Li Masters dancing while the stars shimmer overhead, and not wonder at the precise syncopation of their feet staying in step to the melody of the universe. So for me, you might say God's the drummer with an endless repertoire that keeps the party swinging. Whether or not you also hear those drums will not brighten or spoil my day; my ears, my eyes, you know? My lens.

For the rest of us, God can be the Boss, the Governator, the Worshippee, the Savior, the Judge and Jury, the Blamer, the Excuse, the Accuser, the Censor, the Pillory, and so much less or so much more. Do I really need to continue? You already know what God means to you. And I'll wager you ignore the rest, too. We all do to some extent. Ignorance is blissfully conducive to self-serving reasoning. Or faith.

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The projection of nihilism onto the human heart has the same coarsening results as the visual impact of extreme violence. Films are modern myths, stories that teach us about our lives and our universe. When our stories teach that our universe is without design, without purpose, that life itself is a meaningless effort, the lesson harms the audience.

Nehring's God is a governing and guiding force, acting like a moral DMZ lying between damnation and salvation. Believe in God and the dictums of his religion, and you'll be saved; don't believe and you'll accelerate  all of us going to Hell in a handbasket. Therefore nihilism, the Ubermensch's  tough-luck world, doesn't fit into this ideology. To believe in God means all causes and effects happen for a reason, and behaving according to God's will–though that will changes with each religion– is beneficial for everyone. Not believing in God means–to use a horror fan's vernacular–Cthulhu and Yog Sothoth will eat your gonads for breakfast whenever they feel like it (unless it's Derleth's Cthulhu, of course: then it's pancakes and maple syrup for all, instead).

Nehring zeroes in on Japanese horror movies and their nihilistic direness: God does not exist in Juon or Ringu. "In these films there is a complete–and I mean absolute and total lack of moral structure. These stories exhibit a world devoid of God, and that is the reason these films are so effective."

I agree and disagree with his assessment.

These films do not totally lack a moral structure (especially Juon), but they are very effective because God is not the focus: plain old people are the focus and their actions contribute to the "curse [that] supersedes God and, therefore, eliminates all hope." To say there is no moral structure implicit in Juon and Ringu just because it isn't God-driven morality is sophisistic and dead wrong. Contrary to Nehring's summation, good and evil do exist in these films, but I'll admit not in equal measure, and without deity-based good and evil. People in these movies weight the balance either way by their actions or failures to act. To me, that's a clear moral message delivered without needless pontifications. You reap what you sow, right?

To say that horror films must not act by a "different set of rules" because all films are "instruction manuals" is a quaint notion for his argument, but hardly sustainable in practice. These Japanese horror movies do not give bad life-lessons: people in the real world are a whole lot better at doing this than these movies can ever pretend to be.  Horror movies have always reflected the times they appear in. And studios have always taken advantage of those times to push the boundaries of what is shown onscreen. Take a good look at our world, then go watch Hostel. It's depraved and dirty and victimizing. Now am I talking about Hostel or Wall Street or pick a war, any war? Or maybe all of these?

Contrary to Nehring's Christian lens, not all films are modern myths, teachable moments, or self-help manuals, nor do they need to be. Sometimes they transcend our expectations, sometimes not.  Sometimes they horrify us because the Devil is winning, sometimes they terrify us even more because He and God are not even in the game. Take it or leave it, it's just us and what we do, no Heavenly prizes or Hellish punishments to be had. That's what these movies are telling us.

Now that's a really scary moral lesson if ever there was one.

Face-Off: SFX Artist Competition on Syfy

Faceoff Syfy’s reality television shows, other than Ghost Hunters and Ghost Hunters International, haven’t grabbed my attention much. Mad Mad House almost did and Scare Tactics came close, but they couldn’t hold it beyond the first few episodes.

Now comes Face-Off, pitting makeup artist against makeup artist in a full-body, fantastic makeover knockdown. Special effects makeup is what I’d be doing full-time if I weren’t all thumbs and had a tin eye to boot. Sigh.

Making a contest out of it, where twelve aspiring makeup artists compete for 100,000 dollars in prize money and a year’s worth of makeup supplies sounds promising. Add guest judges like Sean Cunningham (Friday the 13th), revolutionary body painter Filippo Ioco, Greg Nicotero (The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe) and Michael Westmore (Star Trek: The Next Generation) on top of the regular judges, Ve Neill (Pirates of the Caribbean, Edward Scissorhands), Glenn Hetrick (Heroes, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The X-Files), and Patrick Tatopoulos (Underworld, Independence Day, Resident Evil: Extinction), well then, you’ve grabbed my full attention.

Face-Off airs January 26th on Syfy.

For their first spotlight elimination challenge, the contestants are tasked to imagine an entirely new species, a human/animal hybrid, based on one of three exotic animals that are brought into their workspace lab–a beetle, an ostrich or an elephant. The contestants must work in teams of two to execute their creative visions, utilizing specialized skills including molding, sculpting, prosthetics and an involved application process on live models. Future elimination challenges include application of full body make-up to nude subjects, conceptualizing a creature that would inhabit a newly discovered planet, creating an original horror villain, and transforming a “bride” into a “groom” and a “groom” into a “bride.”

Sticky Blinking Eyeballs:
The Perfect Holiday Gift?

Sticky_blinking_eyeballs While in Japan's Tokyu Hands department store in Kashiwa, my eye was caught by these techno-monster, blinking ones. Don't know for sure, but this may be the best holiday gift this year.

Or maybe not. I'll leave it up to you.

It does bring the saying "jeepers creepers, where'd you get those peepers?" to vivid life, though, and you can actually tell people where you got them.

 

Monsters In Sweaters

I really tried hard to come up with an interesting meme. From Beyond Depraved blog tagged me for this exercise in insomnia, so I had to put my best foot forward. I got nothing.

So…in lieu of that, here's my cop out: monsters in sweaters. Why sweaters? Because there's nothing like a warm, fuzzy sweater worn by a monster to create dissonance: evil being wears disarmingly inviting apparel; how odd.

Now that I've mentioned it, you will probably notice lots more sweaters being worn in lots more horror movies now. Feel free to comment on your discoveries.

As for tagging five other blogs, I'll just toss this out to The League of Tana Tea Drinkers, if any of them so desire a sleepless night or two.

Freddy

Frankenstein
Psycho
Stepfather1987
Jason-voorhees
Frightnight