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JM Cozzoli

A horror genre fan with a blog. Scary.

Comic Book Review:
Papercutz Tales From the Crypt 3

Ilozzoc zomboscloset It's black Thursday here at the mansion and no shopping in sight. Thanksgiving dinner was going well until Frederico Frunken started reminiscing over his paprika hendl. Cousin Cleftus popped his monocle across the table and angrily waved a drumstick at Frederico. You can take the man out of politics, but you can't take politics out of the man. I really should be writing up some reviews. I'm running behind as usual. 03:00 PM November 22, 2007 from the webCrypt3comicov

Papercutzcryptkeeper1950 @zomboscloset: Speaking of reviews, Zoc, Papercutz' Tales From the Crypt issue 3 is out. You've been kind of slipshod on the last two issue's reviews, so maybe you could put more focus on this one and be more serious? 03:05 PM November 22, 2007 from the web

Ilozzoczomboscloset @cryptkeeper1950: Not you again. Stop bothering me. I'll get to it when I get to it. Oh, damn, Cousin Cleftus just threw the drumstick at Frederico. Thank god Zombos's head was in the way. Lord, not the cranberry sauce, too! I've got to go! 03:07 PM November 22, 2007 from the web

Papercutzcryptkeeper1950 @zomboscloset: All I'm saying is if you're goin' to be a serious reviewer you really need to stop playing around and get serious. Look at me: I'm dead, but I'm still serious. That's commitment. Even if Papercutz' insists on watering me down into a few slapstick chuckles for their 'tweener audience. I feel your pain, but unfortunately I'm stuck with Salicrup as editor. 03:08 PM November 22, 2007 from the web

Ilozzoczomboscloset @cryptkeeper1950: Finally, everyone is calmed down and enjoying Chef Machiavelli's scrumptiuous desserts. Speaking of just deserts, I will say Stefan Petrucha's story, "Slabbed," captures a bit of the old comeuppance magic. The story has a great balance between art and script, and it's always fun to see a bully get his due. Don Hudson's more traditional superhero-art style works quite well here.Nice to get away from that Archie comics, manga style that stifles the series. I would have liked to see more embellishment in the artwork, especially the backgrounds, though. Every story in each issue always looks like it's being rushed, especially when you consider the great talent involved. 03:12 PM November 22, 2007 from the web

Papercutzcryptkeeper1950 @zomboscloset: Yeah, we snuck that one past Salicrup when he was on vacation. What did you think of A Murderin' Idol? 03:14 PM November 22, 2007 from the web

Ilozzoczomboscloset @cryptkeeper1950: Predictable story: wannabe rock star finds primordial book of spells to conjure pint-sized demon requiring human sacrifices to grant bigger and bigger wishes. Not really all that bad, but Todd needed to add zest into his dialog and setups. I mean, Slymon Bowel? I suppose a younger audience might find that witty. A comic take on American Idol needs more panache than potty-named monikers.As for the art, I expected Betty and Veronica to pop-up in a panel any moment. Mannion does a nice job with the panel movement, but there's that rushed, two-dot nose and eyes look butting up against the borders on every page again. The chunky demon works; mean, yet still funny in appearance. And the coloring in each panel is super across both stories, but I think Rick Parker would have been a better choice to draw that one.  He's doing a great job with the ghoulunatics sequences.Even Salicrup is writing better lead-ins to each story; but those puns are torture. 03:17 PM November 22, 2007 from the web

Papercutzcryptkeeper1950 @zomboscloset: You're preachin' to the choir there, my friend. You'd never guess I went to Harvard with him writing my lines. 03:18 PM November 22, 2007 from the web

Billythepuppet_2 billythepupfromsaw @zomboscloset: What's real torture, Zoc, is you not reviewing Saw IV. I'm very disappointed in you. You have failed to live up to your own self-worth. I must teach you the value of being a reviewer. Maybe by poking your eyes out with rusted springs you will come to appreciate how you've left your own readers sightless by not reviewing my never-ending, bloody torture franchise. McDonald's didn't put me in their Happy Meals because of you, Zoc. They were going to put your review on the side of the paper bag, along with a shot of me stretching Ronald McDonald's feet even bigger than they are now. But no. No Zoc review, no cute little Billy the Puppet happy meal. No colorful torture toys for little girls and boys because you couldn't live up to your potential. I'm very, very, very disappointed in you. 03:19 PM November 22, 2007 from the web

Ilozzoczomboscloset@billythepupfromsaw: Bite me, sawdust! Nobody's got a hand up my butt telling me what to do or say. I review what I want, when I want. 03:21 PM November 22, 2007 from the web


Papercutzcryptkeeper1950 @zomboscloset, @billythepupfromsaw: Say, wait a minute: we could do a gag in issue 4 with me pedaling around on a tricycle with red targets painted on my face.  Damn, I've got to call Salicrup! He'll love it. We could call me Billy Baloney and–damn, I think Pee Wee Herman  used that one. Say, wait a minute: I could dress up like Pee Wee Herman with targets on my face doing a parody of Billy the Puppet doing a parody of Saw IV, and–dialing Salicrup now, gotta go! 03:22 PM November 22, 2007 from the web

Jerrymahoneyjerrymahoneytime @zomboscloset: Technically speaking, the hand is up the back. Can we keep it clean here folks. I see no reason to start flaming each other. 03:23 PM November 22, 2007 from the web

Veronicaarchiesgirlveronica @zomboscloset: Just what did you mean by your statement above, Zoc? Betty and I wouldn't be seen dead in a horror comic. Well, maybe dead, but, say, we could be zombies! I always thought Jughead would make a great zombie. Archie is too uptight for that kind of stuff. Ooh, dialing Jughead now! Seeya. 03:26 PM November 22, 2007 from the web

Papercutzcryptkeeper1950 @archiesgirlveronica: Hot chick zombies! I love it! Message me after midnight to discuss. 03:28 PM November 22, 2007 from the web

Interview: Paul Bibeau’s Sundays With Vlad

Vlad01 I watched Chef Machiavelli. He watched the big simmering pot on the stove while holding a large soup spoon at the ready. Zombos nervously watched Chef Machiavelli’s back while glancing at our Thanksgiving menu card. A tentacle suddenly pushed the pot lid aside and wiggled defiantly in the air. Chef Machiavelli whacked it with the soup spoon, sending it back into the pot. He slid the lid back in place and resumed his stance of readiness.

“Not done yet?” I asked.

“No,” said our chef, unperturbed, raising the flame a little more. He kept watching the pot.

“Look here,” said Zombos, “this menu simply won’t do. Yak-stuffed octopus is fine, but what about the Frunkens? You know how difficult they can be. We need a native dish they’ll love.”

Oh yes…the Frunkens. Distant relatives on Zombos’ side, originally hailing from Transylvania, recently moved to Pennsylvania under mysterious political circumstances, and soon to grace our annual family get-together with their vexing personalities. I was worried, too. Anything could set them off down the road to our damnation, ruining the festive Thanksgiving we planned for weeks. As for me, simple turkey and cranberry sauce is all I need for a festive dinner. Toss in a few bread rolls, mashed potatoes and gravy, and corn, and, as Emeril would say, “Bam!”

Wait a minute. Transylvania? Transylvania? I started to remember something–oh, bugger, I had almost forgotten! Paul Bibeau’s Sundays with Vlad and his journey to find the true Dracula of Bram Stoker’s novel, and in our psyche; I’m late in writing up the interview I recently had with him.

“I’ve got to ask him about that paprika hendl dish he talks about,” I said out loud, making a mental note I needed to follow up on.

“Perfetta!” cried Chef Machiavelli, wrestling the soup spoon free from a tenacious tentacle entwined tightly around it. He turned to Zombos. “Paprika hendl,” he said, while banging the tentacle back into the pot with his soup spoon. He resumed his stance of readiness.

Zombos clapped his hands together. “Superb! Paprika hendl it is. Capital idea, Zoc.”

Finally. Now to more important matters: the interview with Paul Bibeau!

Vladtepes What insane impulse drove you to write Sundays With Vlad?

Like all insane impulses, it seemed very, very rational at the time. I was writing an article for Maxim magazine about the failure of the Dracula-themed amusement park in Romania . It seemed startling to me that Romania was filled with places connected to one of the most famous cultural icons in the world, and yet they couldn’t or wouldn’t cash in. But as I researched the story I began to realize that the Romanian Dracula and our western Dracula were very different. Plus, the stories of the people surrounding Drac were as interesting as the subject matter itself. It was bizarre and rich and complicated, and I had to write about it.

Why are you so obsessed with Dracula? Why not the Wolf Man, or zombies for that matter?

The Wolf Man’s a victim of his curse. Zombies can barely even think beyond how to crack open their next skull. Dracula’s smart, cultured, and in complete control of himself. He really wants to kill you, and he has the skills to go about doing that. He’s Hannibal Lector, and every Bond villain you’ve ever heard of. He’s actually much closer to the Western image of the devil than the others. “A man of wealth and taste,” as someone once said.

Lugosi That’s my understanding of the character also.  I always felt that Bela Lugosi was the embodiment of this “man of wealth and taste?” Do you agree?

Bela was definitely the ultimate “cultured Dracula,” as opposed to the animalistic Nosferatu of Murnau’s film. Lugosi’s son mentioned that Bela started wearing his own opera suit during the play version of Dracula, and continued it with the movie. That style of dress became completely entwined with Dracula itself.

How would you compare Lugosi’s Dracula to Christopher Lee’s portrayal, given what you know about the real Dracula, Vlad Tepes?

If you remember, Lee portrayed Vlad himself in the documentary, In Search Of Dracula.  I don’t have an opinion whether he played a more “Vlad-ish” Count, but his Dracula was definitely more animalistic, closer to the Nosferatu.  And ultimately closer to Stoker’s portrayal. The Lugosi portrayal was further away, but at the same time compelling in its own way. I’d compare it to the Kubrick version of The Shining, which departed from the book, but became a classic in its own right.

You wrote “cook a Hungarian dish called Paprika Hendl, and it will tell you everything you need to know about Dracula.” What did you mean by that?

The act of taking an ethnic recipe and preparing it in your own home is a kind of data vampirism.  And it shows the fragility of culture — because culture after all is made of data and information. But I can adopt your recipes, laws, and folkways, and change them into whatever I want. Jonathan Harker mentions he’s going to take a recipe back home to Mina at the beginning of Dracula.  Later the Count brags about his knowledge of English culture.  Before we talk about blood and land, we are talking about the real weakness of a culture — their data. For the data is the life.

After mentioning Bela Lugosi in your book, I think it safe to say you’re a monsterkid from way back. Tell us about your monsterific childhood and why you think the horror genre has influenced you so much.

Leonard_nimoy_simpsons My favorite holiday was Halloween, and my favorite TV special was the Disney version of the Legend of Sleepy Hollow. And then there’s the In Search Of episode on Vlad the Impaler that I write about in my book. I loved that whole series. Leonard Nimoy and his turtleneck brought the horror and mystery of real life into my home, and it damaged me in a wonderful way.

Have you seen the new series, Supernatural Science on television? If so, how do you think it compares to Nimoy and his turtleneck?

I never saw it.  I now have to.

How does your wife do it? I mean put up with your horror-leanings? And has she let you wear a cape yet?

She keeps me in check. She probably would let me wear a cape if I persisted, but I want to keep her happy. I sometimes go through a Jethro Tull phase where I listen to Thick as a Brick a lot, and ponder wearing a codpiece. But that’s out, as well. I love my wife very much, and not a day goes by that I don’t feel thankful for her incredibly low self-esteem, or whatever filthy, filthy fetish she has that makes her hang out with me.

What’s your Dracula Was Framed blog all about?

I want to get people to treat the compilation of journals and newspaper clips that make up Dracula as if they were real, honest-to-God testimony about a paranormal event. What’s missing? What seems like it’s not right? How would you reinterpret, rewrite, add to, or generally screw with the text of Stoker’s novel? A fun exercise in critical thinking or creative writing or both. That’s what I want.

Chris_lee_dracula In your book, you cover the Dracula/Vampire influence in many areas. One area is the Goth scene. What was it like–a nice, vampire-loving journalist like yourself–entering that culture?

Goths are some of the nicest people you’d ever want to meet! They’re deeply sweet people. Sometimes geeky. Sometimes oddly cool. But they are really fun to hang out with, and once you convince them that you’re not going to be completely mean-spirited and mocking, they are quite helpful about explaining the ins and outs of the goth culture today. And as much as we love to poke fun at it (and no one makes fun of goths like the goths themselves), it’s also important to note that it’s still with us, more than a hundred years after the birth of the gothic novel. So that says something.

You took some chances when visiting Lugoj, and other places in your quest to find the “real” Dracula. Why put yourself in harm’s way like that?

You don’t spend time as a reporter without meeting people who are much braver than you. I’ve interviewed New York City cops who survived gunfights that would make me piss my pants. So I look at my risk-taking as pretty minor in comparison. Also, don’t discount stupidity! A lot of the risks I took were just because I didn’t know how scary things would get until it was too late.

Bibeau You’re a writer, journalist, and monologuist. What’s a monologuist?

I wrote a collection of funny, scary short stories called “The Big Money,” and to publicize them, I did a series of monologues around Virginia dramatizing them. I’m still a theater geek at heart.

Tell us more about this collection of short stories. What are they about?

They are a mix of horror, suspense, and humor. Drug dealers, bank robberies, rants about love, a tale of revenge, and a novella about working at a women’s fashion magazine.

Given your style of writing, have you read O. Henry?

Actually, no.

As a journalist, what do you normally write about?

Spies and criminals, actually. I wrote a profile on Eric Haney, one of the first generation of Delta Force operators. Haney was part of the Iranian hostage rescue mission. And I have interviewed a guy named Antonio Mendez, the CIA officer who successfully rescued the Americans who’d escaped the Iranian embassy during the hostage crisis, and were hiding out with the Canadians. I also wrote an investigative article on a domestic terrorism case and an article on a stripper who ripped off a NASCAR team for a million dollars.

What current horror films do you like? Why?

I have no interest in seeing any of the torture movies. Just doesn’t do it for me. I own the VHS tape of John Carpenter’s Halloween, and when we got a DVD player my wife bought me the DVD version. When they change the technology again, I’ll probably go out and buy it once more. I always want to have that movie on hand, and I try to watch it every Halloween. It’s not just one of the best horror movies ever made, I think it’s a modern legend – The Grimm Brothers retold in suburban America with a bit of the “call is coming from inside the house” thrown in. The Blair Witch Project doesn’t survive multiple viewings – not having a script is a real liability – but it does have moments of horror genius. And limiting the blood and the body count really made it scary. That’s something I wish more people knew.  Ghost Story, The Changeling, The Fog…My favorites come from about twenty years ago, and they try not to show a severed limb or a guy in the rubber suit every 30 seconds.

I’m not a prude. I’m not offended by it. But a movie that combines high production values, extreme violence, CGI out the wazoo, and characters who wouldn’t be believable in a Dentyne commercial leaves me feeling utterly indifferent and not scared at all.

What question have you been dying to be asked, and what’s your answer?

Do you think it was fair to lose your job as an advice columnist at Mademoiselle? And the answer is, yes and no.

After two years writing advice on guy-related issues for that magazine back in the late 1990’s, I wrote one section entirely in the voice of Vincent “the Chin” Gigante, the accused boss of the Genovese crime family who was then on trial and constantly strolling around Greenwich Village in his bathrobe, allegedly pretending to be a crazy old man. This did not go over well. The people at Mademoiselle did not want jokes about putting folks into car compactors in their fashion and beauty magazine. In my defense, the piece was very funny. On the other hand, maybe I was not a good fit for that magazine.

Monarch Models’ Nosferatu Kit

Monarch01
There is nothing like the smell of styrene in the morning. Monarch's Nosferatu hits the shelves in time for the monsterkid gift-giving season–hint, hint. So stop drooling and buy one already. And don't forget to mail in the club membership. Click each image to get the big picture.

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Interview: Count Gore De Vol
Still Counting After All These Years

Count Gore Devol glaring at youDick Dyszel’s undying alter-ego, Count Gore De Vol, haunted Washington DC’s television screens from 1973 to 1987 as TV horror host for station WDCA. Beginning as the character M.T. Graves on the Bozo the Clown show, he parlayed his monstrous likability into hosting his own popular program, Creature Feature. His satirical approach to politics and the sexual revolution kept his show fresh and on the air until all local programming was canceled by the new owners of the station.

The unstoppable count rose from the grave once more, becoming the first Internet Horror Host to haunt the flickering computer screens, entertaining his devoted, and now international, fans every week.

While not putting together his weekly show, you can find him at conventions, hosting horror film festivals, and doing movies. He is featured in American Scary, a documentary devoted to the horror host phenomenon, and appears as The Narrator in Midnight Syndicate’s The Dead Matter.

We got a hold of Dick Dyszel and didn’t let go until he answered a few questions for your edification pleasure.

What keeps you going after all these wonderful years of horror hosting on television and the Internet?

EGO! I must be the center of the universe….or at least the center of my own modest web program. I, like most actors, love the attention…..particularly when you can do it your way.

Tell us about your early days in the television industry. What was it like?

I could write a book about this…and actually got one started before I lost interest. I was very fortunate in starting my TV career at a brand new UHF station in Paducah, Kentucky. Because we had a small staff, but great facilities, everyone got to do everything. I took advantage of the situation, which led to many 100 hour work weeks. But I also came away with a huge amount of practical knowledge. This allowed me to get off to a fast start in Washington. You have to understand that the 70’s and 80’s were the last years of creative local entertainment programming on TV. It was a great time to be alive and in the business.

How did M.T. Graves evolve into Count Gore De Vol?

The general manager wanted a name change, or he wouldn’t approve the show. He said he wanted something “gory” so that’s what we gave him.

How much of Dick Dyszel’s personality is part of the Count’s?

I’ve been told that Gore is a secret extension of Dick’s personality. Who am I to argue with that?

You are the first horror host to bring his show to the Internet, back in 1998. Can you tell us what inspired you to do that?

In 1987, when I left Channel 20 in Washington, I was really burned out.  I took ten years off, moved to Chicago and discovered the Internet. After a couple of years of people finding me through my DJ site, and encouraging me to bring Gore back, I got the itch to become the first horror host of the Internet. I learned how to do HTML, put the first weekly show on July 11, 1998 and the rest is history. So, I guess it’s the fans that inspired me!

Do you find you have much more creative freedom doing shows on the Internet as opposed to television?

The difference is not as much as you might suspect. At Channel 20 I had a tremendous amount of creative freedom. Heck, my program director used to say, “I don’t want to know what you’re doing!” So, I honored his request! But I did have to deal with other folks picking movies, scheduling production sessions and such. Now, I do all that. It’s a bit more freedom, but a whole lot more responsibility.

What trials, tribulations, and triumphs did you encounter when doing your Internet horror show?

The biggest trials have to do with evolving the program as technology evolves. When we first started we couldn’t stream video because everyone had 28.8 dial-up connections, so we streamed audio. Then came small screen video, then larger and larger and now certain video is streamed at full screen! Next will be high definition. But the worry is timing. When is the technology matured enough and wide enough spread to justify the change.

The triumphs include continued support from a great group of contributors! I could NOT do this weekly web program without their contributions. My longest running contributor is J.L. Comeau, The TombKeeper, who interviews authors and reviews books.

My newest contributor is Duncan Meerod, our paranormal investigator. Other triumphs include a Rondo Award win in 2004 and runner up finishes in 2005 and 2006. But the biggest triumphs have to deal with fan support from not only around the country….but around the world!

Speaking of the paranormal, do you believe in it? and if so, any firsthand experiences?

I have never had a paranormal experience and that really bothers me. I’ve been in one situation that supposedly was “real” but I quickly saw through the hoax. I someday hope to have such an experience…maybe even on video tape!

How do you keep coming up with ideas for your shows?

Magic! And I’m serious….I have no idea where most of the ideas come from. I do look at the films, the stars, the plots, the recent headlines, Washington politics and how I feel that day! Somehow it all comes together once the camera starts recording…..most of the time.

What advice can you give us on becoming a successful horror host and staying that way?

The best advice it to keep your expectations reasonable and don’t be afraid of new things. It also helps to love what you do! Right now the biggest decision most new hosts have to make is whether to go cable access or Internet! They both have advantages, but if you’re totally new to TV, I think it’s incredibly valuable to get that experience at a cable access studio, but not be afraid to make the leap to Internet.

You’ve done quite a few interviews with notable personalities: which interviews did you enjoy doing the most and why?

I always enjoy interviewing Dee Wallace Stone…she’s just wonderful. In that same category I would put Brinke Stevens, Reggie Bannister, Bruce Campbell, Lynn Lowery and author David Weber. The reason they are so wonderful is that they are willing to open up to questions based on their own answers. You never know where that will take you, but it breaks the standard response interview.

Tell us about your work on The Dead Matter. What was the experience like being “The Narrator?”

When Edward Douglas of Midnight Syndicate fame asked me to be in the film…not as Gore, but acting as another character, I couldn’t say no. After I read the script, I became excited. “The Narrator” is actually a small role that’s part of a dream-like sequence. I do both narration and portray a sinister teacher on camera. The experience of shooting on film with a full professional crew was fabulous. I’ve known Edward through a number of interviews for about 6 years. I knew there was a movie concept perking on the back burner and was thrilled to be part of it. Now we just need for it to be a huge financial success.

What are your favorite and least favorite horror films?

Among my favorites are “Bride of Frankenstein,” “The Thing from Another Planet,” “Alien,” “30 Days of Night,” and “Fright Night.”  I’m not a big fan of “Beast of Yucca Flats,” “Hostel 2,” or “The Village.”

What’s the one question you would love to be asked, and what’s your answer?

I used to ask this question and never got any good answers, but on some significant thought, I don’t have a good answer (or question) either.

Two Thousand Maniacs! (1964)

 

Zombos Says: Classic

Glenor Glenda was upside down. Rather, her face was upside down. Or maybe I was upside down. I couldn’t tell much through the foggy haze. Suddenly her face changed to Saw‘s Billy the Puppet’s upside down face, leering at me with those cold, unblinking eyes. I shut my eyes wishing him to go away. I mean her to go away. I mean I don’t know what I mean.

“Good lord, now what?” I heard Zombos say.

“He passed out!” she  said. “I think he was watching Two Thousand Maniacs! when he fainted.”

“Here, then, give me the smelling salts. And stop bending over him like that. Give him some air.”

I opened my eyes. Zombos’ face was upside down now, leering at me with its stern, accusatory eyes. I wished him to go away, too.

“You ninny,” he said, holding the smelling salts under my nose. “I do not know why you insist on putting yourself through these exercises in self-punishment. If you do not want to see Saw IV, then just do not see it.”

He helped me to my feet, though I was still a bit wobbly.

“I thought if I prepared myself by watching one of the earliest gore movies it would help desensitize me. I have a responsibility to our readers,” I explained.

“Oh, I think the five of them really do not want to see Saw IV, either,” joked Zombos. At least I hope he was joking. “How far did you get into Herschell Gordon Lewis’ movie?”

“Up to the axe scene. When she got her thumb cut off I started getting woozy. The axe scene did me in after that.” I sipped the glass of Glen Caren Glenor handed to me. There’s nothing like a vatted malt whiskey to bring back the color in your cheeks; bright red color, like the color of freshly spilled blood.

 

And there’s lots of bright 1960s-colored blood in Two Thousand Maniacs!, the second movie in the Godfather of Gore’s blood trilogy that ushered in the splatter-horror genre to an eager drive-in movie audience. Dipping once too often into the nudie-cutie and exploitation well, Lewis and his partner David Friedman searched for their next commercial gusher. They found it in colorized gore, delivered with manic glee, cheap setups, and lingering eyefuls.

Perhaps it’s the gleefully sadistic way in which the Brigadoon-like southern townspeople of Pleasant Valley go about torturing and killing the slow-to-grasp-the-situation northerners, or maybe it’s the hokey acting and poor direction slamming against the energetically strummed banjo songs, sung by the strolling bluegrass trio as the entire town celebrates its revenge-fueled centennial. Whatever the reasons, the movie is still a wild southern fried terror ride that revels in its nastiness while cheekily grinning from ear to ear. The gore is mild compared to today’s more graphic, mechanically-oriented, dismembering and mashing appliances, but a simple knife, or axe, or sharp nail-lined barrel always provides a homey touch of stark horror whimsy to any victimization.

Every hundred years the town of Pleasant Valley comes to life, looking for a little cold comfort by revenging its destruction on those damn Yankees that decimated it during the civil war. Since revenge mostly involves innocent people in horror movies—dumb, innocent people—and sometimes those who instigated the problem in the first place, the townsfolk detour a few northern-born passersby off the highway and into the town as centennial guests of honor.

A carload of two bickering couples—bickering couples are a staple in horror movies, too—are the first to be invited to the barbecue. The couple with extra-kinky shenanigans in mind—my, this one is full of staples, isn’t it?—are the first to succumb to the town’s madness. They each go off looking for a tryst with a local yokel, but find terror instead.

By the pricking of her thumb, she loses a digit with more to come.

In a violent scene that holds intensity with its sudden brutality, the hot-to-trot blond gets her thumb maliciously cut off by the town’s dashing, rope-belted, blue jeans hunk. With blood spilling all over the place, she’s hustled into the “doctor’s” office, where quick surgery with an axe really makes a mess of things. Lewis’ direction throughout this unpleasant business is over the top. The contradiction between the laughing good-ol’ boys hovering over the bleeding, shocked, and dismembered woman is held in the camera’s eye long enough to register a disturbing absurdity and disgust, delivering a grindhouse-styled wallop to the senses even a Saw-jaded fan could appreciate.

Her husband doesn’t fare all that well, either. After waking from a drunken stupor, he finds himself with a hangover and tied to four horses pointed in different directions. Lewis tones down the shock by cutting away when the horses prance off, only showing a bloody limb dragged over the ground afterwards. For a moment, his camera dwells on the unhappy looks of the spectators, realizing the horror of what they’ve just done; but only for a moment.

The festivities continue.

Lewis’ pièce de résistance is a barrel rolling contest with a nail-barrel. Forced into a gaily-colored barrel, the male half of our second unfortunate couple is perturbed when the mayor starts pounding large sharp nails into it, leaving the prickly points exposed inside the barrel. A short kick down a long hill leaves one more brightly-colored victim dressed in blood-red as the townspeople cheer.

The third couple fares better. A hitchhiking teacher and the woman who picked him up catch on pretty quickly that not all’s fun and games in Pleasant Valley. When communication to the outside world is cut off, the teacher realizes it’s time to hightail it out of there. The only obstacle to overcome is finding the car key and getting past Billy the kid.

Billy (Vincent Santo), whose favorite pastime is tying mini-nooses to strangle cats with, knows where the car key is, but he drives a hard bargain to fess up. Watching Billy, I couldn’t shake the creepy feeling he looked awfully like Billy the Puppet. Just paint two large red targets on his cheeks, darken his hair, stick him on a tricycle, and you’d swear he looks just like him. Or maybe it’s just me.

Lewis’ budget ($65K in 1960s dollars) for Two Thousand Maniacs! was higher than his more explicit gore-fests in the trilogy, Blood Feast and Color Me Blood Red, allowing him to devote more time to the story and the setups for each gore-effect. Ironically, this may have hurt his directorial style more than helped, but Maniacs! holds up well primarily because of its rough edges.

 

“Feeling better,” asked Zombos.

With his help, and three glasses of Glen Caren, I had watched Two Thousand Maniacs! in its entirety.

‘Much better,” I said.

“Good, then perhaps we should move you up to The Wizard of Gore. Lewis really piles on the bloody gore as a maniac magician’s illusions leave his volunteers in pieces. Good lord, not again. Glenor! Quick! Bring the smelling salts!”

Spookies (1987)
The Other Plan 9

Spookies
Zombos Says: Poor (but fun to raz on)

Listen to the Movie Review

"Come again?" I asked.

"Cinderella. He wants to dress up as Cinderella for Halloween," said Zombos, glummer than usual.

"Okay. Why not?"

"What do you mean why not? No son of mine is going to—"

"Wait a minute," I interrupted. "Look, I'm on the phone here. I still can't find someone to come with me to see Saw IV. I'm sorry you've got issues with Zombos Junior dressing up as a princess for Halloween, but I need—Hello? I’m trying to reach an Elvis Mitchell. What? Retired? What the hell? Is Peter Travers there, then?”

Zombos moaned. "Oh, lord, dressing up as a girl! At least if he would be Prince Charming, I could accept that. I should have realized something was amiss when he preferred watching America's Next Top Model instead of the Goosebumps marathon. I blame Zimba for this."

"Maybe you can get him to dress up as Maleficent instead? Damn it all, he hung up. Who else can I call," I said to myself. I was desperate. I should review the bloody movie, but I can't take all that sadistic, gory torture stuff that keeps the Saw franchise alive. I needed moral support. And someone to tell me what happens when I close my eyes.

"Why do you need someone to hold your hand just to see a stupid horror movie. You should be ashamed of yourself."

"You're just mad Zombos Junior prefers Cinderella to that Jack Sparrow pirate costume you bought him. Look, so what if he's transgender? He's still your son, right? Maybe he's got an Ed Wood thing going. That would be super, wouldn’t it?”

In the hallway, Zimba and Junior went running by. She yelled at him to give her high-heels back and to stay out of her makeup case. Zombos moaned even louder.

"Oh, bugger. At this rate, Saw IV will be on DVD before I get a chance to see it. Maybe I'll review that cinematic train wreck, Spookies, instead."

"I thought it was only available through Amazon UK?" said Zombos.

"That's right. But I just got my region-free DVD player, so now I can play all those nifty UK horror movies I've been dying to see."

"Count me in," said Zombos, looking for any diversion to take his mind off of Junior.

We headed to the cinematorium to watch Spookies.

 

If you’re looking for the perfect second-half of a double-bill Halloween show with Plan 9 From Outer Space, look no further. Spookies is a movie to be savored for its underdone acting, overbearing dialog, and sheer incoherence. Rarely do horror movies reach this pinnacle of hilarious ineptitude.

Originally started as Twisted Souls, that unfinished movie gave birth to a spook show hodgepodge of 1980s makeup and monster effects colliding head on with badly edited additional footage from yet another unfinished movie, resulting in a two-headed storyline that never meets eye to eye (or should I say eyes to eyes?).

Billy (Alec Nemsir), possibly the dumbest thirteen year-old ever appearing on screen, runs away from home because his parents forgot his birthday. What that has to do with the two cars, filled with bickering couples from Brooklyn—judging by their accents—beats me, but they're in this movie, too.

The kid and bickering couples wind up at a decrepit sorcerer's ominously dark and creepy home: it's ominous because it has an old graveyard surrounding it. Billy is the first to enter the empty house. In the dining room he finds presents and birthday decorations, and quickly concludes his parents are throwing a surprise party for him; in a stranger’s house. Billy doesn’t notice the ominous cemetery or the creepiness. He admires the presents and opens the biggest box, asking out loud if it's a bowling ball. That’s right, a bowling ball. High on every kid’s birthday list, I’m sure. Instead, the sorcerer's smiling head is in the box. Billy screams and runs out of the house, straight into a freshly dug grave. One down, now it’s time for the bickering couples to play their roles as proper horror movie victims, which involves acting dumb and dumber when it can cause the most bodily damage.

Now back to the two cars filled with the bickering couples. Oh, and there's one solo guy: he's the one with the sock puppet sitting alone in the back seat. And not a very good sock puppet. They wind up at the ominously creepy and dark mansion just when young Billy is coughing up dirt as a purple-faced werewolf buries him alive.

Yes, that's right, a purple-faced werewolf. Just go with it. Nothing in this movie makes sense so get used to it now.

The werewolf not only enjoys burying little boys alive, he gets a kick out of holding doors shut on people, but I’m getting ahead of myself. Couples and sock puppet guy enter the mansion to party hardy, and you know what happens to party people in horror movies, don't you? They die hardy.

The Sal Mineo look-alike insists on breaking into a padlocked closet and finds a corpse clutching a Ouija board. Ignoring the significance of a corpse CLUTCHING A QUIJA BOARD, Carly (Lisa Friede), the quiet, Ouija-savvy girl of the group, knows what to do with the planchette. They continue their bickering over what questions to ask like "will we get out alive," while we cut to the sorcerer (Felix Ward) playing a game of chess, although he never moves any of the pieces. He needs souls to revive his wife, who poisoned herself to get away from him. Finally, a little peek at the plot! Enjoy it while it lasts because a peek is all you get.

Carly becomes possessed by the sorcerer and goes after the others. As they run out the front door, zombies pop up out of the graveyard to stop them. They run back into the house screaming hysterically. You will be screaming with laughter at this point. The bickering continues forcing them to split up. That’s another cardinal rule for victims in horror movies: split up to die more easily. Every lazy horror movie scriptwriter knows that one.

Let me recap this for you: with zombies outside, a demon-possessed Carly on the inside, a purple-faced werewolf holding doors shut on them, and a gloating sorcerer playing chess without moving the pieces, THEY SPLIT UP. At least they spend a few minutes bickering over the pros and cons of SPLITTING UP.

Here's where you notice the acting in no way attempts to accommodate the adrenalin-rush terror befalling them. The three directors–yes, I said three–must have been on a coffee break during these crucial scenes. With directors missing in action, the makeup and special effects crew indulge their fancies. The 1980s is THE decade for puffy, rubbery monster suits, herky-jerky animatronics, skittery stop-motion, and glistening, greenish-purplish makeup. You see all of it in this movie with varying degrees of success.

One by one, the blundering, bickering over-aged teens get taken out by one monstrosity after another. Interspersed between each tableau of gory doom, the sorcerer gloats in a bad, Lugosi-styled accent and summons more creatures of the night through Carly. And each time someone scrambles to get out of a room there’s the purple werewolf outside, holding the door closed on one side while they pull hard to open it on the other.

The creatures encountered are like those you'd find on a Skywald horror magazine cover: there are the sod-men in the cellar, farting with each step they take  (I can now unequivocally say farting ruins suspenseful terror); there's the spider-woman (Soo Paek) that sucks the juices out of the annoying sock-puppet guy, actually deflating him as she slurps him up; there’s the grim reaper statue coming to life with blazing red eyes and wielding a mean scythe; and there’s a tentacled, sucker-fish-looking creature that shoots electric bolts. Go figure. The creations are fun to watch in action and help you ignore the messed up storyline.

While everyone is getting killed a la carte, the sorcerer's bride awakens and runs away. A witch-thingie stops her and forces her to run to the graveyard, where more zombies pop up and grab her in an overdrawn groping romp that needed splicing badly. She manages to break free long enough to run into the purple werewolf. There’s no door between them, though. The end makes no sense whatsoever: it's done for visual flair only. Indeed, the entire movie is a series of visual setups, strung between the incongruous sorcerer gloating, party people screaming and dying, the purple werewolf holding doors closed with glee, and a bride loathing her predicament.

If ever there was a reason to throw popcorn at a movie screen, this is it.

This movie is so goofy nonsensical you'll love watching it while deriding the hell out of it. I’m surprised no one’s made this a stage play yet. I’d love to see Spookies, the musical. 

Interview: Spooking in a Haunt Attraction

While chatting with Max, the Drunken Severed Head on the phone (he uses voice dial and a headset, of course), I was surprised to find out he worked as a spooker in a haunted house attraction. This was back in the days when he had a body. Naturally, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to learn all about it.

Max

Which haunted attractions did you spook in, and when?

In the St. Louis attraction "Dr. Zurheide's Asylum", (built inside a very old, former brewery), I was the title character for the first season, and part of the second season. (I think this was in 1995 and 1996; I'd have to unearth my performing resume to be sure, and that might take a good bit of time.

Also in '96 I was a variety of characters for another attraction, whose name escapes me,which was set up outdoors as a maze. Of course, this was all before the circumstances that left me a drunken severed head.

How did you come be involved with it?

Dr. Zurheide's Asylum had an ad I responded to, I think. And as I had previously played a mad scientist in a locally staged horror movie spoof, "Monster House Party", I had pictures that convinced them to use me. ("Zurheide" was the name of one of the owners of the attraction.)

As for the outdoor attraction, I went to them and applied. I had not been happy with the working conditions at Zurheide's.

What were the working conditions like?

They are typical conditions in many attractions: stuffy and smoky from the "fog" pumped in from time to time, breaks were too rare, the sound was loud, and the hours were long. The owners themselves were nice people, but had never opened their own place before and didn't expect how rough it was gonna be.

What part did you play in scaring the paying customers?

Well, as Dr. Zurheide I was a scientist in a large operating theatre, where I had fake corpses to "experiment" on (with scalpels, hypodermics and other such props), and lots of fake body parts. I spend much of my time cackling, muttering, cursing (without profanity), and pretending to do all kinds of nasty stuff to the stiffs and the various amputated parts, including pretending to eat them.

In the outdoor attraction, I played different masked monsters, but the most vivid memory was one night wearing an "Alien" costume. That's right; 5'6" me was in full rubber Alien drag (a professional, beautiful costume), and playing an 8 foot tall character! I think I was frightening in the dark outdoors, but perhaps I was scary only to the very shortest customers! I do remember that I had to wear a vest ringed with ice-packs because the costume was so hot, especially with that large wienie-shaped headpiece that I had to wear. The costume was something assigned to as many actors as possible, because wearing it was such a chore. It had overlapping pieces, which is the reason it could fit people of different sizes.

I've spent all my life daydreaming such stuff! Watched monster movies ever since I was a child. My mother was a horror movie fan. And in "Monster House Party" I had been "Dr. Stein", a Karloff-inspired, wild-eyed nut-job that came in handy when playing another wild-eyed nut-job at the Asylum. I'd also done improvisational comedy with a few different troupes, and improvisational murder mysteries.

What wacky stuff happened to you?

You had to watch out for people who wanted to grab you. Teenage boys and drunks of all ages liked to try it. In the Asylum, most "scenes" had bars between the actor and the customers, so it was much easier to prevent that. No one ever bothered the masked actors who wielded chainsaws. Of course, the saws have no chains on them, so they can't cut anyone, but you can't tell that in a dark attraction, and I think many people were genuinely afraid of being accidentally hacked to bits if they got too close. In the Asylum attraction I did have women surprise me by flashing me their breasts! So, despite the low pay, the job had some benefits!

What other interesting tidbits about your experience can you tell us?

Good weather was important. Rain would drive down the number of customers a great deal, even for indoor attractions. I also remember that at the Asylum the music played over the speakers actually creeped me out. They played the title music, from the film THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL. It's very spooky. Even though I heard it over and over, it gave me goosebumps every night.

Would you do it again?

In a heart beat! A very loud, maddening heart beat…

Hiruko the Goblin (1991)
Ahead of the Rest

Hirukothegoblin
Zombos Says: Very Good

“I am not going and that is final,” snapped Zombos. He folded his arms with finality.

“Me, neither,” said Lawn Gisland. “Tarnation! That’s one ornery, psycho-crazy movie, and not to my liking.” He folded his arms with finality.

“But no one else wants to review it,” I protested. “You know I’m too squeamish to watch blood-oozing gore like that alone. I get sick at the sight of bloody body chunks flying helter-skelter across the screen. I fainted during the last one.” I was desperate. No one wanted to come with me to see Saw IV.

“You’re the high-falutin horror reviewer,” said Lawn, “you go and have all the fun.”

What would Roger Ebert do? Would he ignore a movie just because he was squeamish? Sure, why not? I decided to review Hiruko the Goblin instead. Spidery goblins ripping off heads is so much easier to watch than that creepy Billy the puppet wheeling around on his squeaky tricycle anyway, taunting people as malicious devices of death pull them apart.

You don’t need a Wikipedia entry for this movie like the lengthy one that explains the convolutions of the Saw series, either. Hiruko the Goblin (Yôkai hantâ: Hiruko) is a simple, heartwarming story about a boy, his longing for a girl’s head, and an eccentric archaeologist with enough demon-hunting gadgets to put the Ghost Busters to shame. A foreboding school during summer recess, built over a gate to hell, adds some spice to this manga-frenetic actioner from co-writer and director Shinya Tsukamoto (he did the bizarre and inexplicable Tetsuo, the Iron Man; I dare you to explain that one).

This time he tones down his surrealistic art-house style in favor of grotesque, slapstick humor as the archaeologist, Hieda (Kenji Sawada), and the boy, Masao (Masaki Kudou) fight against Hiruko, a nasty, six-legged goblin with siblings to match, in and around the deserted school. Copious amounts of blood spout here and there, but Tsukamoto plays it for absurdity and icky frights.

At the heart of it is perky Reiko (Megumi Ueno) and Masao’s crush on her. Reiko becomes an early victim, along with Hieda’s friend and fellow archaeologist, Mr. Yabe, Masao’s father, when they stumble into Hiruko’s cave. Masao’s buddies soon lose their heads over Reiko, too, as she–her lovely head, anyway–and the beastie scamper through the empty hallways of the school, singing a hypnotizing melody to lure them to their doom. When Hieda shows up with his homemade goblin detection and eradication-stuffed suitcase of gadgets, he’s just in time to rescue Masao. In a calamitous, high-speed bicycle chase through the school, Reiko’s head chases after them, sticking out her disgustingly long tongue, but they escape, screaming all the way.

Borrowing visual tidbits from such movies as John Carpenter’s The Thing, and Roger Corman’s The Little Shop of Horrors, Tsukamoto follows the bumbling pair as they search for Hiruko’s home, hoping to seal him in permanently. Like Audrey, the man-eating plant whose victims’ faces appeared as blooming flowers, Masao receives a searing image of a face on his back each time Hiruko claims another head. The mystery of that, and his part in sealing the gate to hell, is soon revealed.

The skittish school janitor joins in the fight, and all three go against Hiruko, who sprouts wings and flies away after Hieda whips out a can of bug spray. Realizing where the entrance to Hiruko’s cave is–the tool shed at the rear garden–Hieda and Masao enter the stone room and open the gate to the goblin’s home. Of course, at this point, considering their purpose was to keep the gate closed, you may wonder why they opened it. Why, to get to the other side, of course! And the other side is a cavern filled with hundreds of Hiruko’s pesky siblings, each looking to get ahead. When the bug spray runs out, it’s a free for all as Hieda and Masao fight off the demons while trying to seal the gate they shouldn’t have opened to begin with.

Hiruko the Goblin is a fun, farcical horror romp from a director not known for his lighter side. The less than stellar use of stop-motion animation and jerky animatronics for the goblins only adds to the over the top style, which approaches Sam Raimi’s Evil Dead II in its bloody, gory slapstick mayhem.

For fans of Tsukamoto’s Tetsuo, the Iron Man, this movie may be a disappointment; but for the rest of us horror heads it’s a cheeky-weird monster movie that’s entertaining and effectively creeps inducing.

30 Days of Night (2007)

Zombos Says: Good

I award the movie two and a half stars because it is well-made, well-photographed and plausibly acted, and is better than it needs to be…Otherwise, this would be a radio play. I have pretty much reached my quota for vampire movies, but I shouldn’t hold that against this one. If you haven’t seen too many, you might like it. If you are a horror fan, you will love it. (Roger Ebert, from his review of 30
Days of Night)

Dear Roger,

I must take umbrage to your potentially snarky comment regarding horror fans. Not all of us automatically gush in delight at the sight of crimson fountains of blood spewing from severed jugular veins, torn open by shark-toothed vampires ripping into screaming victims. To the contrary, many of us are quite demanding in our never-ending search for skillfully crafted storylines that merge terror and drama
competently, above and beyond the usual frights.

Right off the bat I can tell you weren’t paying close attention to the movie: it’s Barrow, Alaska, not Barlow. The only Barlow I know is in Ohio, and they certainly don’t have to worry about 30 days of night or ravenous vampires for that matter. On the other hand—

 “You are getting a little off topic,” said Zombos, peering over my shoulder.

“You’re right.” I stopped typing and collected my thoughts. “Maybe I should start over.”

“Good idea,” he agreed.

Dear Roger,

I take exception to your cavalier comment regarding horror fans liking 30 Days of Night just because it’s a horror film; especially after you begrudgingly gave it two and a half stars. Not all of us children-of-the-night critics pile on the hyperbole when a highly anticipated vampire film hits the big screen, even if it does contain an interesting premise. I can’t believe no one thought of it before Steve Niles
and Ben Templesmith grabbed it for their graphic novel.

Speaking of the graphic novel, originally conceived as a three-issue series containing very evocative illustrations that grab each panel and–

“Are you writing about the movie or the comic book series?” asked Zombos.

—But I digress. I agree that the story becomes the usual struggle for survival against murderous fiends, but what did you expect? It’s a horror movie, where victims usually struggle against nightmarish fiends, and try their best not to be eaten, bitten, hack-sawed,
disemboweled, tortured, and, generally speaking, grievously harmed in any way.

I’ll grant you the Sheriff doesn’t do too good a job of it—saving townspeople, that is—but at least he gives it his best shot. It’s nice, too, that his estranged wife can finally find something they both can share in, like staying alive.

The opening events, with the mysterious burning of all the mobile phones, and the butchering of all the huskies in town should have alerted Sheriff Eben (Josh Hartnett) that trouble was brewing. And when Renfield’s cousin (Ben Foster) shows up to chill us with
his icy words heralding approaching doom, I’d be hauling my ass out of town right quick. But then we wouldn’t have much of a horror film, would we?

Granted, when the vampires do arrive, they’re the usual Goth-looking, shark-toothed, black-eyed night-crawlers with just a hint of fashion. And like you said, they are “a miserable lot.” One thing you didn’t mention, however, is the odd way they spill copious pools of blood. It never ceases to amaze me when scriptwriters turn vampires into werewolves, having them rip out throats in geyser-like sprays of
arterial blood, wasting their food source in an orgy of sadistic destruction. More blood winds up in the snow than in the stomachs of these guys. Go figure. Sure, as you said, they shwoosh around a lot, teasingly just out of sight, but they aren’t zombies you know. Zombies dawdle; vampires shwoosh. It’s the nature of the beast.

I agree with you on that whole non-Hammer speaking thing; bad call here. If there’s anything worse than vampires ripping out your throat in large chunks, it’s having to listen to their really tedious pontifications before they do it. The dialog here is not a keeper, and the subtitles to translate their click-clack-clucking speech is irritating. For some odd reason, I kept imagining they came from Russia, though I can’t fathom why.

“I thought you were writing this review to refute Ebert’s two and a half stars, not agree with him,” commented Zombos. “Maybe you should focus on that?”

“Oh, right. Let me think this through again. You’re right. I’ll start over.”

Dear Roger,

I don’t think it fair to award only two and a half stars to 30 Days of Night. The acting is earnest and effective and the cinematography captures the setting sunset and onset of darkness beautifully, exemplifying the isolation of Barrow in the cold Alaskan winter. The action sequences are handled well and move the story at a brisk pace, holding the tension well as vampires descend on the town and systematically wreak havoc, breaking into homes in search of prey, and snatching people in fast shwooshes of action across the snow banks.

After awhile it does all seem to blur into the same old vampire stalking, victim-dying pattern, but while the story becomes the usual struggle for survival, the interplay between Sheriff Eben and his estranged wife (Melissa George), a law-enforcement type herself,
adds depth to the storyline, and more involvement from us: there’s nothing like a couple getting back together to bring out our concern for their safety.

Horror films could use more romance.

That interlude with the little vampire girl in the general store is worth noting. So what do you do with a blood-thirsty little vampire girl anyway? Cute kid? No, but still a kid. It’s nice to see some good old axe swinging, vampire head-chopping, here and there. The film could have used more of that. There’s nothing like romance and heads flying to spice things up.

I must admit I was a tad disappointed after Sheriff Eben’s inspiring speech about the townspeople being natives and using their experience with the cold and darkness to fight the interlopers. Not much in the way of that experience shone through, and everyone
pretty much froze their asses off in the dark instead. After that dangerous foray to the general store to get supplies and potential weapons, not much was done with that stuff after all that, either.

Speaking of that 30 days’ full moon lighting that permeates the streets and buildings of the supposedly darkness-enshrouded town, you do have a point. I found it odd, too. The film starts off with things going dark after the blood-thirsty cretins disable the generator, but interiors and streets suddenly become brightly lit, with light coming from somewhere. So much for that 30 days of darkness thing. More murkiness in the town would have shaken things up better.

 “Damn, I did it again, didn’t I?” I said.

Zombos nodded, rolling his eyes.

“Oh, hell.”

Dear Roger,

I agree with you: the film is a solid two and a half stars and horror fans should love it in spite of its few inconsistencies.

Yours Truly,

Zoc

PS. We still miss you.

Pumpkin Carvings to Die For

I dread carving up the jack-o-lantern every Halloween. After spending so much money for the biggest, baddest, pumpkin in the lot, my feeble carving skills wind up leaving my orange ball of stringy guts with a rinky-dink face comprised of an uneven smile, oddball eyes, and slanted teeth that convey no horror bite, nor whimsy, nor anything remotely appropriate for Halloween.

So when I see pumpkin carving skill as displayed at http://www.extremepumpkins.com, I envy, I covet, I stand, drooling from my trembling lips, in awe.

A-100-lb-pumpkin-is-large-enough-to-eat-a-man-2
The-chainsaw-pumpkin-guy-2
This-pumpkin-is-being-attacked-by-spiders-2

Interview: Midnight Syndicate’s Edward Douglas

Director Edward Douglas kindly steps into the closet to talk about his upcoming film, The Dead Matter, which tells the story of a vampire relic with occult powers that falls into the hands of a grief-stricken young woman who will do anything to contact her dead brother.

What makes The Dead Matter a horror film that fans will want to see?

My favorite horror films are the ones that incorporate all the visuals and atmosphere with a strong script and story. That’s what we have with “The Dead Matter.” This movie has lots of twists and turns along with some unorthodox takes on traditional horror themes. Mix that with the FX guys at Precinct 13 doing their thing, 70’s horror buff DP, Alex Esber, crafting the look, and some great performances by our cast and you got something special.

The icing on the cake for me is that although there are very few original themes out there, we do manage several memorable moments that I think will stick with audiences for a while afterwards. Music is one of the most important elements for me so Gavin Goszka and I (Midnight Syndicate) will be working overtime to make sure the score is something really special as well.

I love horror films. Between Midnight Syndicate and Midnight Syndicate Films, it’s not only my job but my hobby as well. Although I always find something enjoyable in each film I watch, I’ve been disappointed as of late – often it just comes down to the script. Especially with the larger budgets, it just doesn’t feel like enough time and effort is being put into that area of the production. Co-writer Tony Demci and I spent a lot of time tweaking “The Dead Matter” script into the kind of horror movie we would like to see made. It’s a film that I think will resonate with a lot of horror film fans – a good time.

You did an earlier version of The Dead Matter in 1996. Did you approach this version differently? If so, tell us how and why you made those changes.

My goal from the beginning was to use the original version as a springboard for a remake with an actual budget. The upside to it taking this long is that we’ve had over ten years to think about what we liked and didn’t like the first time around. I’ve had ten more years of life experience, ten more years of watching even more horror films, reading and writing more stories, and co-producing all of the Midnight Syndicate horror music CDs. It’s all had a positive impact on how I approached the new version of the “The Dead Matter.” The production concept hasn’t changed drastically; it’s just executed a lot better in the script.

Having an actual budget allowed us to work with a talented cast and crew and achieve a look that wasn’t even fathomable for us in ’96 when we shot the film for $2000 on Super VHS tape. One of the biggest decisions was to shoot the new version on film. In the end I wanted to see “The Dead Matter” looking the way I remember movies looking while I was growing up. Even with all the post-FX available there’s just something about film. Alex and the lighting crew really delivered the classic look I was going for.

What challenges did you face during production, and how did you overcome them?

In our second week, Mansfield, Ohio (the city we were filming in) got hit with a storm so large that it flooded everything and rained us out for one of our nights of filming. When we woke up that next morning the entire lower part of the city was underwater (including part of our backup set). It even made the national news. It was the most rain the city had seen in over 20 years and one of the rainiest Augusts in Northeastern Ohio history (about a third of our film is exteriors so we had our backs to the wall). Producer, Gary Jones and UPM, Philip Garrett assembled an incredibly talented crew, though, that did what veterans do – make things happen in less than ideal situations. We pulled together, switched scheduling around, made up for the lost time, and got back on schedule that following week. It was challenging but we got all the scenes covered and I didn’t have to compromise the script at all.

As far as other challenges go, shooting on film always presents a fun and exciting array of potential disasters and challenges. I’ll leave it at that for now.

Now that you’re in post-production, what are your plans for distribution? When will we get to see The Dead Matter?

I think we’ll be ready to begin screening “The Dead Matter” next summer. Although I don’t have a fixed release date, one date that is set is August 1st. That’s when Midnight Syndicate’s soundtrack to “The Dead Matter” will be available in stores. The movie will be released afterwards.

Music is an important part of your life. You composed the scores for The Dead Matter, Sin-Jin Smyth, and The Rage. You also founded the band, Midnight Syndicate. What similarities and differences are there between composing music and directing a film?

In both directing and composing you are telling a story, only you are using different canvasses. The composer uses music and the director uses more visual elements. If you are handling both those elements I think you have the opportunity of achieving a special cohesiveness between the two.

There aren’t a lot of similarities. As a composer, it’s your job to try and get into the head of the director so that you can use your music to accentuate and elevate their story. You are only a part of the machine – and the focus of your work has to be what’s best for the movie and the director’s vision.

As a director you are running the machine – controlling, in varying degrees, all the facets of the production, including music. The end-product is in your head. The challenge is communicating what is in your head to all the different parts of the machine so that it can become reality on screen.

Why direct? Aren’t you busy enough?

One of my main goals has always been to direct motion pictures, starting with “The Dead Matter.” Whether its music or film it’s all about telling a story – horror and the supernatural has been the way most of my creative endeavors have drifted towards.

I combined my love of filmmaking and music with the first Midnight Syndicate concerts I produced in ’98. The concerts were a blending of a live band scoring original films that I made along with live actors and animation. It was a rewarding and learning experience but not the same as producing and scoring a full-length feature. Midnight Syndicate does keep me pretty busy, but what I’m doing with Midnight Syndicate Films directly relates to my work with the band, so I see this as all one big intertwined project.

What are your favorite horror and non-horror films? Why?

That’s always the toughest question. I guess I’d say among my all-time favorites that I can think of now are: “Aliens,” “Exorcist,” “Shining,” “Night of the Living Dead,” “The Old Dark House,” “Black Sabbath,” “Jaws,” “The Ring,” “Sixth Sense,” “Dracula (1979),” “Pet Sematary,” Coppola’s “Dracula,” “Evil Dead,” most of the Hammer catalog, “House of Usher,” and “Psycho.”

As far as non-horror films go, a lot of my theatrical training centered in comedy. I enjoy slapstick so I really love everything from the Zucker, Abrahams, and Zucker team, from “Kentucky Fried Movie,” to the “Airplane”s and “Naked Gun”s. “Ghostbusters” is one of my all-time favorites too: great concept, great script, and Sigourney Weaver.

What’s the one thing you really love about the horror genre?

There are so many directions you can take the genre in. Whether it’s providing an audience with strong visual elements or leaving it up to their imaginations to fill in the blanks, it’s a genre that sparks something inside of all of us creatively to some extent, I think.

Now what’s the one thing you really hate about the horror genre?

More of a recent phenomenon, same thing I’m hearing a lot – all these remakes of the classics. For me it points up my problem with mainstream horror and that is there is little to no focus on the script. In my opinion, strong visuals are part of great horror filmmaking but not the only part. Unfortunately I’m not in a position to say anything. “The Dead Matter” is technically a remake. Additionally, I’m
helping fuel the “remake machine” since I’m a huge fan of Rob Zombie and can’t wait to see what he does with “Halloween.”

What movie and music projects are you working on now?

It’s “The Dead Matter” 24/7 right now. I’ll begin editing this November, by February I’ll be starting on the score.

Flight of the Living Dead:
Outbreak on a Plane (2007)

 

Zombos Says: Fair

Marauding voracious zombies, no first class, no in-flight movies, and no salted nuts. And it gets worse! New Line Home Entertainment lands Flight of the Living Dead:Outbreak On A Plane straight to DVD, so fasten your seat belts because it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

At a time when airlines have routinely kept passengers stranded in conga lines and airport terminals, creatively screwing-up the air travel experiences for so many travelers in so many nefarious ways, can flesh-eating zombies really be more frightening than having to get through a security checkpoint without completely disrobing, or finding your seat’s overhead luggage bin not already stuffed with A30, C13, and D2’s carry-ons? The writers, director Scott Thomas, Sidney Iwanter, and Mark Onspaugh, attempt the daunting task of answering that question, but don’t have the budget or the scripting verve to make it a resounding yes.

What they do have is a good cast which includes Erick Avari and Kevin J. O’connor from 1999’s The Mummy, and a clever sense
for using the 747 Jumbo Jet’s confining spaces as zombies overrun the cargo hold, the aisles, rip through the floor, and barge their way into the toilet. But the promise of a cheeky, retro-fitted storyline, and characters straight from the Airport disaster movies is not realized, although the opening credit sequence, with its bitchin’ song and animation, teases us with that expectation.

Yes, there’s a nun—sans guitar this time, thank God—a cop handcuffed to his wise-cracking, suave criminal charge, three perky
stewardesses, an aging pilot on his last flight, and fast moving bio-zombies. What’s not here is the needed scale to make the aisles of the 747 a harrowing battleground, or the depth of characterization and turmoil to put you on the edge of your seat, dreading every minute the plane is in the air. It’s a good popcorn and soda movie, but you will find the popcorn doesn’t stick in your throat and the soda doesn’t fizz into your nose like it does when watching more gripping horror fare. Missing, too, is the realism and normal discomfort of being on a plane: passengers on this flight easily stand in and walk the aisles during turbulent weather, and there’s no intrusive background jet engine noise; and for a 747, not many passengers booked this trip, although we keep getting new zombies from somewhere.

The strongest missing element is a more dynamic and iconic personality to rally the passengers against the voracious, economy class undead. While the properly cliché characters are adequate, not much is written into them. The famous golf pro, who carries and continuously polishes his beloved club, manages to knock a few growling heads off, here and there, but, like the martial artist in Snakes
on a Plane
, his potential is never realized. The quiet nun, ignoring everything around her, unfairly meets her grisly end without redemption, just when she decides to get involved. The cop and the sky marshal whip out their guns, but don’t rally or rescue anyone in the process. Instead, it’s a free-for-all as passengers run and zombies chase in a paint-by-numbers flow of lively action.

Automatic weapons and incendiary devices provide wacky fun. The outbreak begins when an infected wife of one of the renegade
scientists on-board reanimates, much to the chagrin of the hazmat-suited guard nervously holding a semi-automatic weapon in the cargo hold. He opens fire, spraying bullets into the communications box and everything else but the agitated woman. She chomps down and the zombie romp begins.

With so many bullets flying around, it’s hilarious the cabin isn’t compromised. One errant bullet does manage to rip through the plane’s interior and into the side of a flight attendant in a deft scene of mayhem. An improvised munition to blow up the zombies in the cargo
hold doesn’t put a dent in the plane, either, but this intentionally ludicrous scene is done well.

At least I hope it was intentional.

Cut-aways to increasingly worried military and government officials on the ground give the backstory, but tend to slow the action happening on the plane, clipping the tension instead of increasing it. Exterior shots of the CGI plane in flight are also glaringly budget and should have been used more sparingly. Then there are the air ducts. I’m not familiar  with the 747’s air circulation system, but whenever I see air ducts big enough to elbow your way through them, the words “convenient plot device” spring to mind. The disbelieving sky marshal is quickly made a believer when he suddenly encounters one energetic zombie in one.

While the dialog is not crisp or witty, it does have its moments, and the fighter jet, scrambled to bring down the plane, complicates things for the few remaining passengers not gnawing on each other. Only one fighter jet is dispatched, though, so I suppose the Pentagon isn’t too worried about the infected plane landing (or crashing) in a populated area.

The best way to watch Flight of the Living Dead: Outbreak on a Plane, is with a bunch of fellow horrorheads, lots of popcorn and White Castle hamburgers, Cane Cola with lime, and Oreo cookies.

Toss in Snakes on a Plane, and Spookies, and you’ve got a night of it.